IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Do the advantages of the government spending their money on college and university fees for students outweigh the disadvantages?

#government #money #college #university #fees #students
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Spending
money
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
collage
Correct your spelling
college
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 and university fees for the students by government is a good idea to provide
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better
education
Use synonyms
 and infrastructure to students. In my opinion, there are disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 approach than the advantages. No doubt,
education
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 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
key to
build
Wrong verb form
building
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 a good future
of
Change preposition
for
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new
Correct article usage
the new
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 generation.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 is spending a large chunk of
money
Use synonyms
 on colleges and universities to provide better
education
Use synonyms
. But,
instead
Linking Words
 of spending
money
Use synonyms
 on colleges,
this
Linking Words
money
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 should be spent on
health
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 services as these days
people
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's
health
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 is a concerning
issues
Change the noun form
issue
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. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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 are suffering from
health
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 ailments, spending
money
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 on
education
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doesn't
Verb problem
isn't
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worth
Correct pronoun usage
worth it
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. So,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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more attention should be given to the
we being
Correct your spelling
well-being
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 of
people
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, opening more universities and
college
Fix the agreement mistake
colleges
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 is leading a unemployment. As students, prefer to go for higher
education
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of finding a small scale jobs.
Hence
Linking Words
, after having a higher level of
education
Use synonyms
, they try to find higher levels of jobs which
matche
Correct your spelling
match
matches
 their skill and
education
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 and they are unable to find higher levels
jobs
Change preposition
of jobs
show examples
.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, there is
more
Fix the agreement mistake
a higher
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 unemployment rate.
Lastly
Linking Words
, I would say that ,
instead
Linking Words
 of spending
money
Use synonyms
 on
education
Use synonyms
,
health
Use synonyms
 sectors should be taken into account to provide better
health
Use synonyms
 to
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by jassijaspreet153 on

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task achievement
Focus on directly answering the essay question by clearly stating if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and ensure to provide a balanced comparison.
coherence & cohesion
Organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific point. Begin with a topic sentence that introduces the key idea of the paragraph.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and engaging.
task achievement
Ensure to discuss both sides of the argument even if you have a strong position. This shows your ability to evaluate both benefits and drawbacks.
coherence & cohesion
Work on your spelling and grammar, as errors can distract from your argument and reduce the clarity of your essay.
coherence & cohesion
Conclude your essay by summarizing the main points discussed and restate your position. This helps in reinforcing your argument and provides closure to the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • accessibility
  • social equality
  • catalyst
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • investment
  • unemployment
  • healthcare
  • infrastructure
  • oversupply
  • underemployment
  • subsidized
  • devaluation
What to do next:
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