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Band 2.5

Do the advantages of the government spending their money on college and university fees for students outweigh the disadvantages?

#government #money #college #university #fees #students
Spending
money
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
 and university fees for the students by government is a good idea to provide
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better
education
 and infrastructure to students. In my opinion, there are disadvantages of
this
 approach than the advantages. No doubt,
education
 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
key to
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 a good future
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 is spending a large chunk of
money
 on colleges and universities to provide better
education
. But,
instead
 of spending
money
 on colleges,
this
money
 should be spent on
health
 services as these days
people
's
health
 is a concerning
issues
Change the noun form
issue
show examples
. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 are suffering from
health
 ailments, spending
money
 on
education
doesn't
Verb problem
isn't
show examples
worth
Correct pronoun usage
worth it
show examples
. So,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more attention should be given to the
we being
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 of
people
.
Moreover
, opening more universities and
college
Fix the agreement mistake
colleges
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is leading a unemployment. As students, prefer to go for higher
education
instead
 of finding a small scale jobs.
Hence
, after having a higher level of
education
, they try to find higher levels of jobs which
matche
Correct your spelling
match
matches
 their skill and
education
 and they are unable to find higher levels
jobs
Change preposition
of jobs
show examples
.
As a consequence
, there is
more
Fix the agreement mistake
a higher
show examples
 unemployment rate.
Lastly
, I would say that ,
instead
 of spending
money
 on
education
,
health
 sectors should be taken into account to provide better
health
 to
people
.
Submitted by jassijaspreet153 on

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task achievement
Focus on directly answering the essay question by clearly stating if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and ensure to provide a balanced comparison.
coherence & cohesion
Organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific point. Begin with a topic sentence that introduces the key idea of the paragraph.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and engaging.
task achievement
Ensure to discuss both sides of the argument even if you have a strong position. This shows your ability to evaluate both benefits and drawbacks.
coherence & cohesion
Work on your spelling and grammar, as errors can distract from your argument and reduce the clarity of your essay.
coherence & cohesion
Conclude your essay by summarizing the main points discussed and restate your position. This helps in reinforcing your argument and provides closure to the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • accessibility
  • social equality
  • catalyst
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • investment
  • unemployment
  • healthcare
  • infrastructure
  • oversupply
  • underemployment
  • subsidized
  • devaluation
What to do next:
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