IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 – 2000.

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 – 2000.
#changes #birth #rates #china #usa
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph
displayed
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 how the
birth
Use synonyms
 rates of 2 countries namely China
,
Correct word choice
and, USA
show examples
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 changed in 80 years which started
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1920.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
birth
Use synonyms
 rate
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the US was higher than that of China in most years . It can
also
Linking Words
 be seen that these rates of both nations experienced a decrease over the period. China’s
birth
Use synonyms
 rate rose from around 10% in the 1920s to 15% in 1935.
Then
Linking Words
 it fell sharply to around 5% in both 1940 and 1945. It increased rapidly to a peak of 20% in 1950.
After
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 it fell dramatically to less than 10% in 1955.
Finally
Linking Words
, it
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 steadily to about 2% in 1980 and remained at
this
Linking Words
 level until 2000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the US
birth
Use synonyms
 rate fluctuated at around 12% from 1920 to 1940. It decreased dramatically to under 5% in 1945.
Next
Add a comma
Next,
show examples
 it increased rapidly to a peak of about 15% in 1950. After 1950, it fell gradually to about 12% in the 1960s and around 7% or 8% during the
last
Linking Words
 20 years of
this
Linking Words
 period.
Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words birth with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • birth rate
  • demographics
  • population control policy
  • One-Child Policy
  • Baby Boom
  • fertility rate
  • census data
  • fluctuations
  • societal norms
  • economic prosperity
  • Great Leap Forward
  • family planning
  • contraception
  • workforce participation
  • aging population
  • urbanization
  • trend analysis
What to do next:
Look at other essays: