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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of the public heath, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. Do you agree or disagree?

Smoking is widely regarded as harmful, as it contributes to serious illness and
deaths
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death
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 throughout the world. Some people contend that governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. I firmly agree with the following suggestion, as prohibiting the use of these products fosters a healthier society. Undeniably, the
smoke
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 a person inhales severely damages their internal organs.
Although
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 the negative effects are not massive during the initial stages, in the long run, smoking leads to fatal consequences.
Furthermore
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,
smoke
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 from a cigarette is accompanied by nicotine, a drug used to overstimulate the neurons, leading to the formation of addiction. It has been stated through various medical studies that a person addicted to smoking is likely to develop lung cancer and other respiratory diseases. In India, most underprivileged individuals living in slums and on footpaths
smoke
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 every day, and
this
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 routine has led to their poor health, ultimately leading to death.
Moreover
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, smoking in public places and homes is
also
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 harmful to nearby people, and
this
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 is called passive smoking. To illustrate
this
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 point
further
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, in the United States, most parents are indulging in smoking activities and exhaling that
smoke
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 into the air.
This
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 air with
smoke
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 particles is unintentionally consumed by children in the house and leads to their poor health and development.
In addition
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 to passive smoking, children are observers and mimic their elders,
therefore
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, youngsters find smoking stylish and upbeat. In conclusion, I firmly agree that governments should prohibit the use of cigarettes and tobacco products for the well-being of both adults and youngsters. Ultimately,
this
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 would contribute to a better future for the nation, as younger generations would not crave addiction and its fatal consequences.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on your introduction by adding some context regarding the prevalence of smoking globally and its public health implications.
coherence and cohesion
Try to create smoother transitions between your main points to enhance the flow of your argument.
task achievement
You could strengthen your arguments with more specific statistics or studies related to smoking and public health, which would enhance their relevance and impact.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and strong opinion, which is well stated in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The organization of ideas is logical, and each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • mortality rate
  • chronic diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • resource allocation
  • cultural shift
  • addiction
  • personal choice
  • government regulation
  • black market
  • nicotine replacement therapies
  • health education campaigns
  • smoking-related illnesses
  • respiratory problems
  • second-hand smoke
  • disease prevention
  • legislation
  • social influence
  • norms
  • public awareness
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