Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Other think that those who contribute to society like scientist and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
People
have different views as to whether people
who are rich are more successful than people
who put themselves before others. Despite the fact that (although
) wealthy people
are held in high regard
, I believe that selfless / selfish people
should be given more respect.
On the one hand, there are two main reasons to believe why
rich Correct word choice
that
people
are considered to be successful. Firstly
, under capitalism
success is often measured by how much money a person has and not how much contribution one makes. In a highly materialistic society, Add a comma
capitalism,
people
are judged based on their possessions, ranging from the vehicles they drive to the brand-name clothes they have. Secondly
, many people
are self-made billionaires who have worked very hard and smart, overcoming countless obstacles and disappointments. Unfortunately, not everyone can do this
since the majority of people
can barely make ends meet or they rather lack the determination.
However
, selfless people
like scientists and teachers should be given more social recognitions
. These Fix the agreement mistake
recognition
people
sacrifice themselves for the greater good and always think of other people
before themselves. Without teachers who work for public rather than private schools, an all-inclusive society will not exist as many underprivileged people
will be ignored and left behind. As a result
, there will be huge social inequalities and many people
will have no choice but to protest, rob or create chaos in order to survive. For instance
, there have been a lot of protest
because of Fix the agreement mistake
protests
an
unequal wealth distribution in countries like Thailand where there are a large number of rich and successful Remove the article
apply
people
.
In conclusion, although
being rich can mean being very successful, it seems to me that success should be measured by social contributions. I strongly believe that we should respect selfless people
more than rich people
.Submitted by peaphee123456789 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
1. Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout the essay. While your essay has a basic structure, focusing on enhancing the fluidity between ideas can improve coherence. Use a variety of connective words and phrases to better link ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
2. Work on a more impactful introduction and conclusion. These should distinctly set the stage and wrap up your argument, respectively. Try to rephrase the prompt in the introduction in your own words and state your opinion more clearly.
Task Achievement
3. Provide more specific examples to support your points. While you mention examples, such as the situation in Thailand, adding more detail and how exactly it illustrates your point will strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
4. Develop your ideas more comprehensively. Expand on how the actions of selfless individuals directly impact society's success, possibly comparing to specific implications of wealth accumulation lacking direct social contributions.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.