IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #attention
Nowadays, how an increased level of recognition brand has become the most important to cement the businesses’ credibility in the eye of the general popular.
Hence
, it stands to reason that advertising is one of the driving factors of revenue for each company. Some
people
 say that advertising appears with more frequency will attract citizens to purchase goods,
while
 other
people
 think that
this
 strategy will make the public tend to take the ads for granted and
thus
, do not pay attention to it. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the rationales behind these two views and explain why I
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 the former
point
 of view. On the one hand, advertising appears more frequently in the form of one-on-one contexts, seeing that a company is always dropping clients a line on a mobile device, and through social media. Citizens will see more advertising again, starting to have the feeling of boredom. Another
point
 to make is that not all pieces of information mentioned in advertising are real or conveyed fully in detail,
such
 as price differences,
not to mention
 some products’ heterogeneous quality,...leading to a complex market as evil.
Consequently
,
people
 lose trust in billboards, resulting in the fact that the number of
people
 who hope to see an advertisement has a tendency to decrease after years.
On the other hand
, some products will be bought in significance with the help of advertising.
For example
, an item that has a high price should
also
 be there, on a publication poster, so that privileged
people
 who are more capable of paying than ordinary buyers can
also
 find something equivalent to their high demand for excellence in life.
This
 strategic move allows business owners to reach more
people
 from the upper class and sell out the items of luxury categories. Another essential
point
 to consider is that media posts can be attached to promote a season with aims that grow the awareness of clients for a business and stimulate the shopping demand of humans in countries. Advertising is a word of mouth, not only it is spread across areas but it
also
 drives sales in other regions.
Therefore
, advertising brings more benefits for companies with more commercial orders. For the reasons mentioned above, I realized each
point
 of view raises various debates in society when it comes to the issues of drawing the attention of the world citizens. The fact that ads pop up intermittently through media posts
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 chances for
people
 to have discussions, some of which are necessary for positive publicity for the commodities, especially those with
further
 innovations.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear structure, but work on making your introduction and conclusion stand out more clearly. These should encapsively summarise your argument and your final stand on the topic, respectively.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure your response directly addresses the task. It was good, but sometimes veered off topic. Try to keep your ideas more focused on the specifics of the question at hand.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas by breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones. This will make your argument more accessible and easier to follow for your readers.
task achievement
Incorporate more varied and specific examples to support your points. While you have included examples, deeper and more specific cases can greatly strengthen your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
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