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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

many governments think that economic progres is their most important foal. some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#governments #progres #people #progress #country
Nowadays, economic
progress
 is being as
the
Correct article usage
an
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 important thing for many governments to achieve.
However
, proponents argue that the other kind of
progress
 is
also
 important same as the economy. In
this
 essay, I will elaborate
these
Change preposition
on these
show examples
 statements from my point of view.
Firstly
, the
progress
 of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 has a lot of impact on the other
progress
.
This
 is because it helps the other fields to make their
progress
.
Therefore
, some activities in the government area are sponsored by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic factors.
For instance
, a nation which did not have
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good
progress
 in
Replace the word
economics
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economics
show examples
Verb problem
apply
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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could not execute
Fix the agreement mistake
its
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their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 transportation
to develop
Wrong verb form
development
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.
In other words
,
more
Correct article usage
the more
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 straightened the country’s economy,
more
Correct article usage
the more
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 improvement that the countries had.
However
,
Correct article usage
the economic
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economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 can not improve without
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other types of
progress
. The country could have a good development if they have equally
progress
 in every
fields
Change to a singular noun
field
show examples
. It means that every
progresses
Correct subject-verb agreement
progress
show examples
 in a nation
are have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 a close-knit relation to each other.
For example
, because of the advance of transportation in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Jakarta city, the distribution of people’s needs in there is faster than in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Pontianak which did not
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a good transportation system.
As a result
, the growth of
Correct article usage
the economic
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economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 and other aspects in Jakarta
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more positive than in Pontianak. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic
progress
 can be the most important for the country because of the impact
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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it has.
Whereas
, the other
progress
also
connect
Change the verb form
connects
show examples
 to each other,
include
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 economic, so the development
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the nation is equally the same.
Submitted by rifkiw1205 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the question and develop your ideas more fully. Expand on your reasoning, provide more detailed examples, and make sure your opinion is clear and consistent throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve Coherence and Cohesion by organizing your essay more effectively. Start with a clear introductory paragraph that outlines your main points. Use appropriate linking words to connect your ideas and paragraphs. Also, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and develops a specific aspect of the topic.
General
Proofread your work to correct grammatical errors and typos. Also, work on varying your sentence structure to make your writing more engaging.
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