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Band 2

More and more people use computers and other electronic devices to access information. Therefore, there is no need to use printed books, magazines, or newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computers #devices #access #information #books #magazines #newspapers
I cannot entirely agree with the above statement. The advantage
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 electronic
devices
 is that they are easier to carry around than printed
books
,
magazines
 or
newspapers
. They take up no space and are very lightweight. But the disadvantages outweigh the advantages:One,
becaues
Correct your spelling
because
 not everyone has electronic
devices
 to access
informatio
Correct your spelling
information
.
For example
, remote and backward places do not have, and may not even
konw
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know
 what electronic
devices
 are.
Second,
the use of electronic
devices
 for too long will not help the eyes, will
lesd
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lead
 to myopia,
myopia
Correct word choice
and myopia
show examples
 people will lead to increasing degrees. The advantages and disadvantages of
eleatronic
Correct your spelling
electronic
devices
 do not mean that there are no advantages and disadvantages of printing
books
,
magazines
 or
newspapers
.It’s not that bad in print. But the printing material is paper, and paper is made of trees, bamboo and other materials. So printed
books
,
magazines
 or
newspapers
 can affect our natural
enviornment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
Therefore
, I think it is necessary to use printed
books
,
magazines
 or
newspapers
. But can reduce the number of prints. The combination of the two methods is perfect!
Submitted by keating20150613 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider adding a clearer introduction stating your stance on the topic clearly, along with a brief outline of the points you intend to discuss. This would provide a better roadmap for your readers.
coherence cohesion
Improve your conclusion by summarizing your main points and clearly restating your stance. Use this space to persuasively conclude your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay by ensuring there is a clear flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next. Transitional phrases can help achieve this.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more precise and varied vocabulary. Consider using synonyms and more advanced language to express your ideas.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure that your response completely covers the prompt by discussing both the necessity and redundancy of printed materials in the age of electronic devices. Additionally, incorporating more specific examples to illustrate your points will make your argument stronger and more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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