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Band 6

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
It is said that smartphones are used daily for numerous hours by
children
. In my opinion, it is caused by the of lack their
parents
' attention. I am
also
 convinced that it is a considerable negative development. It is my view that many
parents
 do not have sufficient
time
 for their
children
. Nowadays, on the one hand, both mothers and fathers are employed, leading them to have tight schedules. So, they have much to do when they arrive home after a working day.
On the other hand
,
children
 require their
parents
 to spend
time
 with them by playing games, reading books for them or even watching TV with them and when
children
 do not give
this
 attention they have a tendency to disturb their
parents
. So the
children
 are given smartphones or tablets to play with and get
amuse
Wrong verb form
amused
show examples
 for hours. It is undoubted that electronic gadgets with exciting games and the ability to surf the web entertain them for a long
time
 and
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 to overuse
these
Change preposition
of these
show examples
 gadgets. I
further
 believe that the foundation of socialization forms in the family and during childhood and
parents
 have a crucial role in that.
Although
children
 who spend hours on gadgets may learn much general information and various skills via games, videos and social media, they will face problems in the long term when they want to join the social scene and make friends. A reason for
that is
 not learning interactions in a correct way and with family members.
That
is mean
Wrong verb form
means
show examples
 an irreparable detrimental effect on their social
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. In conclusion, spending too much
time
 on smartphones by
children
 is a consequence of insufficient consideration of their
parents
. From my perspective, It will affect
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
 social
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 badly in future which certainly means negative development.
Submitted by samira.nezhadamin on

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General
Ensure a clear and concise introduction that presents your argument, followed by body paragraphs each focusing on a specific point. Use the conclusion to summarize your views without introducing new information.
Task Achievement
For the task achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Integrate more diverse and relevant examples to support your ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to enhance coherence. Paragraphs should be well-organized around a central idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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