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Writing Samples
Band 6

What are the advantages and disadvantages for children of watching TV

#children #tv
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Some people believe that watching
television
Use synonyms
 is good and bad for teens. I will discuss some of the reasons why watching
TV
Use synonyms
 is a benefit and some of the challenges to be overcome. Let's begin by looking at the advantages of watching
television
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. One of the main positives of watching
TV
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 is that it
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 useful information related to the news, movies, family, cartoons, discovery, and so on. What I mean by
this
Linking Words
 is that it helps to increase
children
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's knowledge day by day and information can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reach
viewer
Fix the agreement mistake
viewers
show examples
 easily.
Secondly
Linking Words
, watching
television
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 can lead to a better quality of life. Take the American people
for example
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. American
children
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 watch
TV
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 because it freshens the mood of the views during the whole day.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, watching
television
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 is a major problem. Many people believe that watching more
TV
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 wastes teenagers's time.
This
Linking Words
 is simply because the students do not pay attention to their studies
while
Linking Words
 watching
TV
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. On top of that, watching
television
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 makes
children
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 physically Unfit, and watching too much
TV
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 vibes teens' imagination and creativity.
This
Linking Words
 means that
TV
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also
Linking Words
 makes a lot of sounds which affects
children
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's minds and reduces the ability of
children
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 to focus. After that, it affects the eyes of the viewers if teens watch
television
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 and sit very close.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
TV
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 makes
children
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 antisocial, taking the place of family and friends. All things considered, watching
TV
Use synonyms
 has both advantages and disadvantages. Personally, I believe the benefits in terms of personal growth eventually outweigh any negatives.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve in coherence and cohesion, focus on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and clarifying the relationship between your ideas more explicitly. You can use transitional phrases such as "Furthermore", "In contrast", or "Additionally" to guide the reader through your argumentation more fluidly.
Task Response
In terms of task response, ensure that you address all parts of the task. You have discussed both advantages and disadvantages of watching TV for children effectively, but including a wider range of examples and some statistical data or studies could enhance the depth and relevance of your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better coherence, work on structuring your essay more effectively by having a clear introductory paragraph that outlines the essay's structure, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on a specific point, and closing with a concise conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
Task Response
To enhance task achievement, aim for a more balanced discussion on the advantages and disadvantages by dedicating equal time and depth to each. Also, always back up your points with specific examples or experiences to make your argument stronger and more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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