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Band 2.5

What are the advantages and desadvantages for children of watching television ?

#desadvantages #children #television
It is highly believed that watching television can bring more cons than pros.I firmly believe that it can cause more negative things reather than positives. On the one hand it has a variety of merits.First and something in foregn language by watching
TV
.
For example
 in Korea young generation learn foregn language movie, by watching.Apart from that some young esters make a habit of watching
TV
. Because some young children do not have any friend and is not at the circle of friends.
Therefore
, they watch
TV
 most of the time. One the hand, it has a variety of.First of all.It may have a bad impact on young childrens eyes and if they keep watching every day.They can have a headache constantly.So if young genaration spend a lot of time watching
TV
 movie and cartoon
this
 is
also
 harmful for the health.
Secondly
 of all
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 they spend too much time
Change preposition
apply
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching television and begin to withdraw from the world of
Replace the word
learning
show examples
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
.
Then
 they start to change for the
bad
Replace the word
worse
show examples
.For instaince they fall behind with homework.
To sum up
 a lot of children like watching
TV
.
Also
 watching television has a number of benefits and as well
drawbackets
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic, but it lacks a structured development of ideas. To improve, begin with an introduction that clearly states the essay’s topic and your viewpoint. Then, organize your body paragraphs by discussing one advantage or disadvantage per paragraph, providing clear examples to support each point. A conclusion should summarize your arguments and reiterate your stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay’s coherence could be enhanced by creating clearer connections between ideas. Use a variety of transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly. Also, ensure that each paragraph sticks to a single main idea, which is clearly stated in its opening sentence.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve cohesion, consider planning your essay before writing. This will help in logically ordering your points and ensuring each paragraph flows into the next. Additionally, revising your writing for grammar and vocabulary will aid in creating a more coherent and cohesive essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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