IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some say the best way to deal with public health issues is to invest in developing new medicines. others say that a better way is to promote a healthy lifestyle. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#say #health #medicines #lifestyle
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Some argue that the optimal way to treat
health
Use synonyms
 conditions of
people
Use synonyms
 is by investing in new medications,
while
Linking Words
argue
Correct quantifier usage
others argue
show examples
 that promoting
a healthy practices
Correct the article-noun agreement
healthy practices
a healthy practice
show examples
 is a better approach.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss how new
drugs
Use synonyms
 can help in treating untreatable
diseases
Use synonyms
 and why I think that a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 is a better approach
in
Change preposition
to
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 improving the
overall
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 wellness of
people
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, investing in modern
drugs
Use synonyms
 can help treat untreatable
diseases
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. It has been proven that pharmaceutical innovations have
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to significant improvements in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 outcomes and prolong the lives of
people
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 with chronic
diseases
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.
For instance
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, the recent invention of COVID-19 vaccines
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been effective in containing the global pandemic and was able to dramatically decrease the mortality rate worldwide.
Thus
Linking Words
, new
drugs
Use synonyms
 are essential for
people
Use synonyms
 to live longer and healthier.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that it is not a sustainable way to improve the
overall
Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
 of
public
Add an article
the public
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, promoting a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 can improve the
overall
Linking Words
 well-being of many. Rather than treating
diseases
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, healthy habits can help prevent them from
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
 and recurring. It is more sustainable and affordable than buying medications which
is
Change the verb form
are
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 usually taken for life.
For instance
Linking Words
, avoiding smoking can reduce the risk of having lung cancer and problems related to passive smoking.
Hence
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,
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 stops the sickness before it even starts which is more beneficial for everyone. In
conslucion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
while
Linking Words
 others may argue that modern
drugs
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 essential in treating
health
Use synonyms
 problems, I believe that the best way to address them is to promote
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 because it can improve the
overall
Linking Words
 well-being of individuals.
Submitted by yoko.onerom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear, logical structure by introducing each main point in a new paragraph and using transition words to improve flow between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion to introduce the topic, summarize key points, and restate your opinion clearly.
task achievement
Support each main point with detailed, specific examples to strengthen your arguments and help the reader understand your point of view more clearly.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task evenly to ensure a balanced response. If the question asks you to discuss two views and give your own opinion, allocate equal parts of your essay to each view before clearly presenting your own stance.
task achievement
Work on clarity and precision in expressing your ideas. Ensure that every sentence contributes to your argument and avoid redundancy or unclear statements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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