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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

An increasing number of students are choosing to study abroad. To what extend does this trend benefit the students themselves and the countries involved. What are the drawbacks

#students #study #trend #benefit #countries
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It is true that a large proportion of students tend to
travel
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 overseas for their higher education.
People
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 have different mindsets regarding
this
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 phenomenon.
This
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 trend has both benefits and drawbacks. I will explicate my viewpoints in the subsequent paragraphs. On the one hand, there are a multitude of reasons why individuals think that getting an education from different
countries
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 benefits them. The most significant reason is that some fields of study are given more preference in other
countries
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 and
also
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 provide good annual income
whereas
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 some do not value that specific field. Canada,
for example
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, pays good money in skilled trade
such
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 as electricians, plumbers etc.
while
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 India does not take these small occupations into consideration and
people
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 are not paid much.
As a result
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,
people
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 interested in these fields
travel
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 to different
countries
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, study there and get paid well.
Moreover
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, it is not just the
people
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 who benefit from
this
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 migration, the
countries
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 benefit equally.
Countries
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 get skilled
people
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 from different places across the globe which in turn help in the development of these
countries
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. Despite having the benefits, there are a multitude of disadvantages of
this
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 phenomenon as well. First and foremost, youngsters stay away from their families
while
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 they
travel
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 to study.
Consequently
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, they suffer from loneliness, depression and other mental disorders which affect their daily life. They cannot express themselves to anyone and have to do all things on their own. Another reason is that the home
countries
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 have to face a decline in their growth as
people
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 leave the
countries
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 and
travel
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 to other
countries
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.
For instance
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, 70% of youngsters have left India and have travelled to different
countries
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,
thus
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 leaving old
people
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 behind in the
country
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 to work for the progress of the
country
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.
Hence
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, resulting in the downfall of the
country
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.
To conclude
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,
although
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 the trend of moving from the home
country
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 to another for higher education has certain pros, there are some cons that cannot be neglected.
Submitted by jaspreet on

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Task Response
To enhance Task Response, ensure you directly address all parts of the task prompt in your introduction and develop your points more fully. For each idea, consider adding more in-depth analysis or additional examples to show how it links back to the question.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve Coherence and Cohesion by varying your use of linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your essay. While your essay has a good structure, adding more varied transitions can help clarify the relationship between your ideas and paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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