IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that in a city, the best way to travel is by car, while other people argue that bicycles are a better way of travelling in a city. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Few
people
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 argue that cars are the top option to commute in a city.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 believe bikes are a more considerable choice to
travel
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 around the city. I believe the latter option is slightly better because it helps to maintain
health
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as well as
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 it's more efficient. commuting by
car
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 is considered to be safer in harsh weather conditions;
people
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 can
travel
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 in a
car
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 independent of the weather.
Moreover
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, several internal features make it more convenient to move from one destination to another inside the city.
For example
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, in some parts of the country,
people
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 experience very low temperatures which makes it challenging for them to
travel
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 even smaller distances.
Therefore
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, a
car
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 with all-wheel tyres helps to commute easily. Bikes are useful in terms of the
health
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 of an individual.
People
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 are not only maintaining good
health
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, but they're
also
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 reaching their destination faster than other means of
travel
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 because they can avoid traffic jams.
Furthermore
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, doing physical activities and interacting with nature help to release endorphins that eventually lead to good mental
health
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in addition
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 to physical
health
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. If all
people
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 had started travelling by
car
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then
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 there would have been a lot of traffic jams, especially on the weekdays. In conclusion, In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
 cars are convenient to
travel
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, bikes will have more benefits for both, the well-being of an individual and the time to
travel
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 from one destination to another. Nowadays, separate bike tracks help to move quickly from one place to another.

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Introduction
Try to expand the introduction by providing a brief overview of the arguments to be discussed. This sets a clearer scene for the reader.
Logical Structure
Consider using a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices to enhance the flow of your essay. Although the logical progression is clear, a greater variety of these devices can improve readability.
Supported Main Points
To strengthen your arguments, incorporate more specific examples and evidence. Real-world statistics or studies can add depth to your points.
Paragraph Structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that states the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that expand on that idea.
Task Achievement
You effectively discussed both views and clearly stated your own opinion, which is essential for task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay maintains good coherence and cohesion with a logical flow of ideas and adequate paragraphing.
Supported Main Points
Use of examples, such as weather conditions affecting travel choice and the impact of biking on health, effectively supports your main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • congestion
  • pollution
  • maintenance
  • eco-friendly
  • infrastructure
  • physical health
  • suitable
  • weather conditions
  • traffic
  • repair costs
  • cycling infrastructure
  • fuel costs
  • carrying heavy loads
  • physical limitations
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