Some people think that television has made people's life more interesting and beautiful. Do you agree or disagree?

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Technology is flourishing by leaps and bounds in each and every field, especially
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entertainment
Correct article usage
the entertainment
show examples
sector.
However
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, some
people
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say that
TV
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provides plenty of interesting and beautiful content to the
population
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. I strongly disagree with
this
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statement because
TV
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brings numerous adverse to the
population
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such
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as
anxiety
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,
depression
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, isolation, and
distrubing
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disturbing
social connection. A
further
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explanation will be presented in
this
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essay. To commence with,
television
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links to
anxiety
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and
depression
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because all
entertainment
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contents
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content
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only provides more negative vibes to
people
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who watch constantly
in
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on
show examples
a regular
basic
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basis
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.
This
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is because
television
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programs indirectly
spreating
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spreading
opposite direction to humans to become more cruel, so they suffer
depression
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issue
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issues
show examples
.
For example
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, these days,
TV
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series
contains
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contain
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more violence,
thus
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,
younger
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the younger
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generation might
be suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
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and
to
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apply
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become cruel persons.
Hence
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,
TV
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has not made
people
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's lives more interesting and beautiful
besides
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it causes
anxiety
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and
depression
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to the
population
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.
Furthermore
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, watching
TV
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disconnects
to
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apply
show examples
society in order to mankind
became
Wrong verb form
become
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isolation
Replace the word
isolated
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without
communicate
Change the verb form
communicating
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to
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with
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others
instead
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of
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apply
show examples
they prefer to watch
television
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programs only.
This
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is because humans may
dependence
Replace the word
depend
show examples
on electronic items to get
entertainment
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rather than
building
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
a strong connection to the
population
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.
For instance
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, when a person gets
entertainment
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from
TV
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, he obtains self-satisfaction indeed only but when they try to connect
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this
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with this
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world
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while
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apply
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they obtain real happiness
along with
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entertainment
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. Hereby,
TV
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only provides infotainment but
also
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disconnects from the real world. In conclusion,
television
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causes
anxiety
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,
depression
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and isolation from society
as well as
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
stimulates
people
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to become more cruel.
Therefore
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, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
statement because
TV
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has not made
people
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's lives more beautiful and interesting unlike it brings adverse effects to the
population
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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task response
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the topic and gives the reader a succinct overview of what to expect in the essay. Avoid making broad statements without a clear stance.
task response
Develop your main points more thoroughly by providing more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will help make your essay more convincing and engaging.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by examples or explanations. Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Strive for a variety of sentence structures and a richer vocabulary to make your writing more engaging. This will also help to more accurately convey your ideas and opinions.
coherence cohesion
Remember to proofread your essay for spelling and grammatical errors. These mistakes can distract from your message and reduce the clarity of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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