parents should spend more time with their children by helping them doing their assignment. agree or disagree?
Many believe doing
children
's homework together with
parents
is solely way
to have Correct article usage
a way
better
bond between them. I highly disagree with Add an article
a better
the better
this
notion, spending time
by
assisting them Change preposition
apply
working
on their homework is not the only way to get Change preposition
in working
better
Add an article
a better
relationship
between guardians and kids.
Firstly
, family, especially father
and mother, is Correct article usage
the father
kid's
first Correct article usage
the kid's
friends
. They are the Fix the agreement mistake
friend
one
who spend most of their Correct pronoun usage
ones
time
with their children
, starting from morning until bedtime. However
, quality time
will be spent lesser
as Correct word choice
less
children
grow and start their journey in education
. For instance
, they will study more in the
class than stay at home which eventually will make Correct article usage
apply
distant
Add an article
the distant
a distant
relationship
between family members. Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
Therefore
, listening
their homework problems and solving Add the preposition
listening to
it
together are great ideas for Correct pronoun usage
them
parents
to have strong
bond connection.
Not only that, today, many schools have an additional schedule after Add an article
a strong
school
hours and it make
students have Change the verb form
makes
lesser
Correct word choice
less
time
at home. Namely, teachers suggest 2 extracuricullars
for each kid and it Correct your spelling
extracurriculars
extracurricular
take
around 4 hours. Change the verb form
takes
Thus
, guardians feel their bond with their children
are
getting lower Change the verb form
is
due to
many activities in the school
. The school
should consider new methods such
as family's
Capitalize word
Family's
day
, Capitalize word
Day
mother's
Capitalize word
Mother's
day
, and other events to invite other relatives to Capitalize word
Day
school
and have fun together with
them.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
Change preposition
between
among
Change preposition
between
parents
and childrens
are considered lower now Correct your spelling
children
due to
Correct article usage
the hustle
hustle
culture in Correct article usage
the hustle
education
. Activities for them should be increased by their parents
, teachers, and education
institutions. Replace the word
educational
Thus
, childrens
can still pursue their Correct your spelling
children
education
and family can still maintain their relationship
with them.Submitted by riki
on
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Task Achievement
Clarify your stance throughout the essay. While you express disagreement with the notion that doing homework together is the only way to bond, some of your arguments seem to support spending time on homework for bonding. Ensure your viewpoint is consistent and clear.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a broader range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay. While you've structured your paragraphs logically, transitions between ideas could be smoother. Phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' and 'In addition to' can help.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on sharpening your introduction and conclusion. A stronger thesis statement in your introduction and a more definitive conclusion summarizing your viewpoints can significantly impact the reader's understanding of your essay's purpose.
Task Achievement
Include more varied examples. While you've provided scenarios to support your points, diversifying these with references from different contexts or citing broader research could strengthen your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
