IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

parents should spend more time with their children by helping them doing their assignment. agree or disagree?

#parents #time #children #assignment
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Many believe doing
children
Use synonyms
's homework
together with
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 is solely
way
Correct article usage
a way
show examples
 to have
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
 bond between them. I highly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion, spending
time
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
assisting them
working
Change preposition
in working
show examples
 on their homework is not the only way to get
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
relationship
Use synonyms
 between guardians and kids.
Firstly
Linking Words
, family, especially
father
Correct article usage
the father
show examples
 and mother, is
kid's
Correct article usage
the kid's
show examples
 first
friends
Fix the agreement mistake
friend
show examples
. They are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 with their
children
Use synonyms
, starting from morning until bedtime.
However
Linking Words
, quality
time
Use synonyms
 will be spent
lesser
Correct word choice
less
show examples
 as
children
Use synonyms
 grow and start their journey in
education
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, they will study more in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
class than stay at home which eventually will make
distant
Add an article
the distant
a distant
show examples
Use synonyms
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 between family members.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
listening
Add the preposition
listening to
show examples
 their homework problems and solving
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 together are great ideas for
parents
Use synonyms
 to have
strong
Add an article
a strong
show examples
 bond connection. Not only that, today, many schools have an additional schedule after
school
Use synonyms
 hours and it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 students have
lesser
Correct word choice
less
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 at home. Namely, teachers suggest 2
extracuricullars
Correct your spelling
extracurriculars
extracurricular
 for each kid and it
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 around 4 hours.
Thus
Linking Words
, guardians feel their bond with their
children
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 getting lower
due to
Linking Words
 many activities in the
school
Use synonyms
. The
school
Use synonyms
 should consider new methods
such
Linking Words
 as
family's
Capitalize word
Family's
show examples
day
Capitalize word
Day
show examples
,
mother's
Capitalize word
Mother's
show examples
day
Capitalize word
Day
show examples
, and other events to invite other relatives to
school
Use synonyms
 and have fun
together with
Linking Words
 them. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
Change preposition
between
show examples
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 and
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 are considered lower now
due to
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the hustle
show examples
hustle
Correct article usage
the hustle
show examples
 culture in
education
Use synonyms
. Activities for them should be increased by their
parents
Use synonyms
, teachers, and
Use synonyms
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 institutions.
Thus
Linking Words
,
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 can still pursue their
education
Use synonyms
 and family can still maintain their
relationship
Use synonyms
 with them.
Submitted by riki on

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Task Achievement
Clarify your stance throughout the essay. While you express disagreement with the notion that doing homework together is the only way to bond, some of your arguments seem to support spending time on homework for bonding. Ensure your viewpoint is consistent and clear.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a broader range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay. While you've structured your paragraphs logically, transitions between ideas could be smoother. Phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' and 'In addition to' can help.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on sharpening your introduction and conclusion. A stronger thesis statement in your introduction and a more definitive conclusion summarizing your viewpoints can significantly impact the reader's understanding of your essay's purpose.
Task Achievement
Include more varied examples. While you've provided scenarios to support your points, diversifying these with references from different contexts or citing broader research could strengthen your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • parental involvement
  • academic achievement
  • cognitive development
  • emotional bonding
  • supportive learning environment
  • skill enhancement
  • time management
  • holistic development
  • constructive feedback
  • behavioral patterns
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