IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

ome parents give their children everything that their children ask for and accept what their children want to do. Is this good for children? What could be the consequences for these children when they grow up?

#ome #parents #children #consequences
In
this
 day and age, the quality of life is becoming more and more increase,
hence
 the young have several chances to enjoy a better life than their previous generation.
Nevertheless
, it seems that some adults indulge their kids, they are willing to bring everything to their
children
. From my point of view,
this
 way has a lot of negative effects. I strongly believe that it is not good for
children
, even if it can cause lots of harmful problems in the future. First of all, young imprint in their head that they are the centre of the world. They myth that it is the responsibility of adults and they always require anyone to do anything they want.
That is
 very dangerous because only parents love their
children
 unconditionally, others do not.
For example
, When people
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a young, they want some balls and toys, and when they grow up, they will ask for valuable things
such
 as houses and cars.
Consequently
, these
children
 do not have the motivation to mature. In
minds
Correct article usage
the minds
show examples
 of parents, they may think
this
 action
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 their love with their
children
.
In contrast
,
this
 method will prevent the growth of
children
 because they will give up easily when they face tough issues. They assume that everything will be tackled by parents and the efforts are not necessary.
For instance
, some researchers point out that families who have only one child, who often gives more care to their dad and mom,
tends
Correct subject-verb agreement
tend
show examples
 to be more jealous than others. In conclusion, every father and mother always desires the best thing for their kids. It does not mean that they will respond to all of the
children
's requests because
this
 method will harm them in the future.
Instead
 , they should encourage their
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 to develop themselves.
Submitted by duongntt.tld on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on developing a structured and clear argument throughout your essay. Your introduction should clearly present your argument, followed by paragraphs that each focus on a single main point with supporting details or examples. Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next with appropriate linking words or phrases.
Task Response
To fully address the task, ensure you provide a balanced discussion covering all aspects of the question. Consider discussing both sides of the argument, even if you have a strong opinion on the matter. Use specific examples to illustrate your points, making them more persuasive and concrete.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: