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Band 5.5

The grapg below shows the number of people taking part in four kinds of sports in a particular region between 1985 and 2005.

#grapg #people #part #four #kinds #sports #region
The line graph shows how many people engaged in 4 different sports in an unspecified region from 1985 to 2005.
Overall
, two distinct subsets of data tendency can be identified: games whose popularity noticeably changed and those that remained stable. Rugby and Tennis belong to the first category. The former started the period with nearly 250
thousand
 players (the highest figure on the chart) and, falling sharply over the next two decades, finished at a chart low of 50
thousand
 in 2005.
By contrast
, the figure for Tennis gradually increased from 150
thousand
 in 1985 to approximately 225
thousand
 players in 2005,
thus
 becoming the most played sport on the chart. Basketball and Badminton followed similar trajectories to each other. They respectively started off at around 80
thousand
 and just over 50
thousand
 in 1985 and barely moved over the ensuing two decades, to finish at their starting points in 2005 whereupon the latter converged with Rugby.
Submitted by Shaxnoza on

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Task Achievement
To further improve your Task Achievement score, aim to provide a more comprehensive summary that also includes the significant trends, comparisons, and features of the data. It's important not only to describe what happened with each sport but also to highlight major comparisons and any exceptional data points in a clear and concise manner.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-organized and follows a logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow. To improve the coherence and cohesion further, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and transitional phrases. This could include more variety in linking words and phrases that indicate comparisons, contrasts, and sequences.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider including a short conclusion to succinctly summarize the main trends observed in the graph. This could help to reinforce the overall analysis and provide a clear end to your essay, enhancing the introduction and conclusion aspect of your score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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