You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: More and more people today are spending large amounts of money on their complexions in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger?Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 word

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These days, there is a surge in the number of

individuals

choosing to spend a considerable amount of money to appear to be more youthful. From my perspective, I firmly believe that

this

expenditure is a highly positive development.

This

essay will give several reasons for

this

trend

and discuss why it is positive. To commence with, there are a plethora of driving forces behind the tendency to invest a significant sum in skincare and

beauty

treatments to achieve a youthful appearance.

Firstly

, the proliferation of social media platforms and photo fix apps has become one of the biggest reasons for

this

trend

as it offers a lot of images of perfect, blemish-free skin and stunningly beautiful faces, which creates immense pressure to conform to strict

beauty

standards and achieve the same level of perfection.

For example

model's

Fix the agreement mistake

models'

show examples

and influencers’ perfect images on Instagram can become role models for

individuals

to attempt to be gorgeous based on their standards.

Secondly

, the

beauty

industry has been successful in manipulating

individuals

with marketing campaigns and advertisements into believing that they need to look yo

unger

Change the capitalization

Unger

show examples

in order to be considered attractive or beautiful. In my opinion,

this

trend

is completely positive and can benefit

individuals

and society in a multitude of ways. First and foremost, looking younger can lead to being fully satisfied with one's appearance, leading to increased self-confidence and enhanced self-esteem.

This

, in turn, can result in more job opportunities, as potential employers may view

individuals

who appear youthful and confident as more capable and attractive candidates for a position.

For instance

, a person who looks younger may be more likely to be offered a job opportunity, especially in industries where complexion is considered crucial

such

as hospitality, sales or media.

Additionally

, a youthful appearance may lead to longer working lives and increased productivity, which can stimulate economic growth and development.

Furthermore

, looking youthful may

also

foster innovation and creativity, as

individuals

bring fresh ideas and perspectives to the table. In conclusion, the emerging

trend

Change preposition

show examples

spending a fair sum to look younger can be attributed to several factors

such

as the proliferation of social media and

beauty

standards. In general,

this

can be seen as a positive tendency as it plays a pivotal role in benefiting

individuals

and society by its tremendous perks.

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task achievement

Try to integrate more specific examples that directly relate to the points you make. This can help to provide real-world context and strengthen your arguments.

task achievement

Ensure all paragraphs have clear topic sentences and try to maintain more consistent clarity throughout your arguments. This can enhance the comprehensiveness of your response.

coherence cohesion

Consider breaking down your supporting points into smaller, distinct paragraphs for greater clarity.

coherence cohesion

Try to be more concise in your argumentation, especially in linking ideas together. This will help to maintain focus and readability.

coherence cohesion

The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main points effectively.

task achievement

The writer outlines reasons behind the trend and supports how it can be considered a positive development.

language use

Good use of vocabulary and varied sentence structures to convey ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

384 words

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