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Many young children are spending large amount of time in front of screens. What are the causes of this and what other problems does it lead to?

#children #amount #time #front #screens
Screen
time
 is one of the leading bad habits, which is not only harmful
forour
Correct your spelling
for our
 eyes but for our mental health too.
Children
 are physically and mentally sensitive as compared to adults so they are likely to get more affected by
screen
time
. I believe there are various reasons and serious problems related to
this
 kind of habit among
children
. Recently,
due to
 the COVID-19 many of us started working remotely.
This
 change is not limited to adults,
children
also
 have shifted their concentration from physical presence to online presence and they are spending large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their smartphones or tablets. Schools started online lectures which
requires
Change the verb form
require
show examples
children
 to study via smart devices which is again a big reason for their high
screen
time
.
Furthermore
 ,
children
 prefer to play online games
instead
 of physically playing outside.
This
 creates a big impact on their mental health. Recent study proves that
children
 who play violent games online tend to become violent in their real life and
this
also
 affects their physical health as they are not physically active. Lack of physical activity can
also
 lead to obesity. Recently, a child faced incurable mental illness
due to
 actively playing violent games. Parents are
also
 responsible for
this
 habit because
instead
 of encouraging their
children
 to play in nature, they introduce them
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 smartphones. In conclusion, spending a large amount of
time
 on
screen
 is really harmful for
children
, parents should act upon
this
 matter as early as possible and encourage their
children
 to spend
time
 on physical activities before it's too late.
Submitted by tirththakkar23 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay addressed the topic and presented clear arguments, but to improve your Task Achievement score, ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Incorporate a wider range of specific examples to substantiate your points and make sure your essay distinctly covers both the causes and problems resulting from screen time.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, focus on structuring your essay with clearer paragraph divisions that each focus on a single main idea. Transition smoothly between points and paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument more effectively. Introducing a wider range of linking words beyond 'Furthermore' could also help improve the flow of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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