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Band 5

Many young children are spending large amount of time in front of screens. What are the causes of this and what other problems does it lead to?

#children #amount #time #front #screens
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Screen
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time
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 is one of the leading bad habits, which is not only harmful
forour
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for our
 eyes but for our mental health too.
Children
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 are physically and mentally sensitive as compared to adults so they are likely to get more affected by
screen
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time
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. I believe there are various reasons and serious problems related to
this
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 kind of habit among
children
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. Recently,
due to
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 the COVID-19 many of us started working remotely.
This
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 change is not limited to adults,
children
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also
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 have shifted their concentration from physical presence to online presence and they are spending large
amount
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amounts
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 of
time
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in
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on
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 their smartphones or tablets. Schools started online lectures which
requires
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require
show examples
children
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 to study via smart devices which is again a big reason for their high
screen
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time
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.
Furthermore
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 ,
children
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 prefer to play online games
instead
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 of physically playing outside.
This
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 creates a big impact on their mental health. Recent study proves that
children
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 who play violent games online tend to become violent in their real life and
this
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also
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 affects their physical health as they are not physically active. Lack of physical activity can
also
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 lead to obesity. Recently, a child faced incurable mental illness
due to
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 actively playing violent games. Parents are
also
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 responsible for
this
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 habit because
instead
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 of encouraging their
children
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 to play in nature, they introduce them
with
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to
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 smartphones. In conclusion, spending a large amount of
time
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 on
screen
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 is really harmful for
children
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, parents should act upon
this
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 matter as early as possible and encourage their
children
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 to spend
time
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 on physical activities before it's too late.
Submitted by tirththakkar23 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay addressed the topic and presented clear arguments, but to improve your Task Achievement score, ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Incorporate a wider range of specific examples to substantiate your points and make sure your essay distinctly covers both the causes and problems resulting from screen time.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, focus on structuring your essay with clearer paragraph divisions that each focus on a single main idea. Transition smoothly between points and paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument more effectively. Introducing a wider range of linking words beyond 'Furthermore' could also help improve the flow of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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