IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Internet shopping will take over physical shops. Do you agree or disagree

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In the contemporary world,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technological advancements made online shopping possible to a great extent. The debate
whether
Change preposition
about whether
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 internet shopping will completely overshadow physical
shops
Use synonyms
 is multifaceted, incorporating certain considerations. It is my contention that sooner or later a majority of
people
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 will prefer e-commerce over conventional
stores
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due to
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 staggering benefits. First and foremost, as we live on the edge of technology, current advancements accomplished in the field of technology have caused
digitalization
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the digitalization
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 of retail
shops
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 where
people
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 can now purchase their goods through online platforms and different websites.
This
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 urgent demand emerged after the
Covid
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COVID-19
 pandemic,
while
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 everyone was
stucked
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stuck
 at home and incapable
to go
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of going
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 shopping.
Furthermore
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, after the development of online
softwares
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software
 and
stores
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, their sales have skyrocketed
due to
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 the positive response received from the market. It goes without saying that online
stores
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 do not necessitate any operational costs as opposed to
the
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apply
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conventional
shops
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,
therefore
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, they are able to drag their prices down to operate at
same
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the same
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 margin but with a lower selling cost. To exemplify
this
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 statement, individuals find it cheaper to procure materials from online
stores
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 than
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
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 them physically as they may have to incur additional expenses like travel, customs and some intrinsic costs
due to
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 the high operational costs.
Moreover
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, since price and mobility are among the top prioritized properties by clients, internet shopping is
also
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 ahead of physical
shops
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. Presently,
establishment
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the establishment
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 of delivery services has significantly diminished the amount of time for each package to be delivered by a
courrier
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courier
, making it desirable for buyers.
For example
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,
although
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people
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 used to struggle during rush hours to go out
for purchasing
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to purchase
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 necessary goods, it is now possible for them to
by
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buy
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 whatever
the
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apply
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product they would like to buy with a click of a button. In conclusion, despite physical
stores
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are still
Verb problem
being
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 a
preferrable
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preferable
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 option for certain
people
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 owing to unique
criterias
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criteria
such
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 as
ability
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the ability
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 to feel and touch the products before purchasing, online shopping has salient advantages.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure, including well-defined paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion. This helps to guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Include clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main point. Develop this point comprehensively within the paragraph with relevant examples or further explanation.
Task Achievement
Strive for clarity in your ideas and arguments. Make sure each paragraph contains one main idea that is fully explored and backed up by specific examples or evidence.
Task Achievement
Utilize a broader range of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the sophistication of your writing. This will also help to make your argument more compelling and engaging.
Coherence and Cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence clarity. Consider varying sentence length and structure to create a more dynamic and interesting read.
Task Achievement
Be specific in your examples. Instead of making general statements, provide concrete instances or data to support your argument. This adds credibility to your points and makes your essay more persuasive.
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