IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Internet shopping will take over physical shops. Do you agree or disagree.

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In the contemporary world, technological advancements made online shopping possible to a great extent. The debate about whether internet shopping will completely overshadow physical
shops
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 is multifaceted, incorporating certain considerations. It is my contention that sooner or later a majority of
people
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 will prefer e-commerce over conventional
stores
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due to
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 staggering benefits. First and foremost, as we live on the edge of technology, current advancements accomplished in the field of technology have caused the digitalization of retail
shops
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 where
people
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 can now purchase their goods through online platforms and different websites.
This
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 urgent demand emerged after the COVID-19 pandemic,
while
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 everyone was stuck at home and incapable of going shopping.
Furthermore
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, after the development of online software and
stores
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, their sales have skyrocketed
due to
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 the positive response received from the market. It goes without saying that online
stores
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 do not necessitate any operational costs as opposed to conventional
shops
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,
therefore
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, they are able to drag their prices down to operate at the same margin but with a lower selling cost. To exemplify
this
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 statement, individuals find it cheaper to procure materials from online
stores
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 than buy them physically as they may have to incur additional expenses like travel, customs and some intrinsic costs
due to
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 the high operational costs.
Moreover
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, since price and mobility are among the top prioritized properties by clients, internet shopping is
also
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 ahead of physical
shops
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. Presently, the establishment of delivery services has significantly diminished the amount of time for each package to be delivered by a courier, making it desirable for buyers.
For example
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,
although
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people
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 used to struggle during rush hours to go out to purchase necessary goods, it is now possible for them to buy whatever product they would like to buy with a click of a button. In conclusion, despite physical
stores
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 being a preferable option for certain
people
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 owing to unique criteria
such
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 as the ability to feel and touch the products before purchasing, online shopping has salient advantages.

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task achievement
The introduction successfully outlines the topic and the writer’s position, yet could be improved by offering a clearer thesis statement that summarily presents the main arguments.
task achievement
Your body paragraphs adequately support your perspective with reasons and examples, but for a higher score, it is recommended to develop these points more fully with more detailed examples and consider including counterarguments to show a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay shows a good attempt at organizing ideas but can benefit from more explicit linking words or phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Try using a wider variety of these to enhance coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Consider implementing a more structured approach in each paragraph, starting with a clear topic sentence, followed by explanation, example, and a concluding sentence. This structure will enhance both coherence and task achievement.
task achievement
The conclusion succinctly recounts the essay’s main points, but strengthening it with a more decisive final opinion or a glimpse into future implications can enrich your argument.
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