IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The majority of criminals get involved in more crimes after completing their first
punishment
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.
This
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 happens because many of them suffer
form
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from
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 financial difficulties after their release from
prison
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, and they do not receive effective
punishment
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 in
prison
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. To handle
this
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 problem, criminals should receive proper training to make themselves self-made when they are in
prison
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, and they should get effective
punishment
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. After completing their
prison
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 sentences many criminals come out of
prisons
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prison
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 and remain unemployed for a long time. They do not have any proper experiences and knowledge to earn their livelihood. To survive, these people engage themselves in
further
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 crimes.
Moreover
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, in
prison
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, people do not get proper
punishment
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, which would help to change their criminal mindsets.
As a result
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, they do not have any
repentsnce
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repentance
 about their deeds and
involved
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are involved
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 in
crime
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 after their release.
For example
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, in Australia, many people get
prison
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 sentences for a short period, and after that, they involved in
crime
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 again.
Prisoners
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 should receive some training in
prison
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 which would allow them to develop some skills and experience.
This
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 will allow them to find jobs and earn their livelihood just after their release from
prison
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.
Furthermore
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, correctional services should ensure that
punishment
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 is adequate and appropriate for the
prisoners
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according to
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 the severity of their deeds. Because their lives after the sentences are depending on it.
For example
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, prisons in Japan, arrange numerous programs for the
prisoners
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, which allow them to confess their crimes and repent.
This
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reduce
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reduces
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 the possibility of engaging in
crime
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 again. In conclusion,
prisoners
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 should be properly trained to get employment opportunities after
releasing
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release
show examples
 from
prison
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.
Moreover
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, the
punishment
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 should be appropriate and adequate which will ensure not
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 in
crime
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 again.

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the clarity of ideas and transition between points to improve the logical flow.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or case studies to strengthen the arguments and add depth.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task, addressing both reasons for criminal behavior and potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, maintaining focus throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation programs
  • social stigma
  • ex-convicts
  • reintegration
  • support systems
  • mental health issues
  • addiction problems
  • criminal networks
  • incarceration
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