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Band 6.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes
Some individuals posit that high
school
students
 must
work
 for free during the
school
 year for the sake of the
community
. Personally, I tend to believe that charity activities might be beneficial for
students
, as they will amass new knowledge and experience. To commence with,
community
 services are the best way of educating
students
, since they can endeavour distinctive types of
work
. Activities,
such
 as working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood, and teaching sports to youngsters enhance personal development and some traits, including responsibility, tolerance, and empathy.
Furthermore
, individuals from a young age have an opportunity to acquire new abilities, and knowledge, or even gain experience, that will be necessary
in
Change the preposition
for
show examples
 the future life. To take one example,
according to
 the United Kingdom's national research high
school
students
 who have worked in
community
 service have had greater success in their careers rather than
students
 who have been just studying at
school
.
Conversely
, working from a young age might be risky, or even detrimental for adolescents.
Due to
 the fact that some
community
 services involve different spheres where human health might be under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
threat.
Moreover
, keeping a balance between academic performance and charity activities can be difficult for
students
, and they are likely to have burnout during the
school
 year. Pupils may struggle with prioritizing and allocating time wisely for
school
 subjects. To exemplify, 51% of
students
 who have a GPA less than 4.0 have issues with prioritizing, so they can not keep a balance between
school
 and
community
work
.
To conclude
,I believe that unpaid
work
 for the
community
 has a significant impact on
students'
Correct your spelling
student's
show examples
 personal development,
however
, adolescents may face some problems with distributing time.
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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider varying your sentence structures and employing more linking phrases to improve the flow between ideas. This can make your argument feel more seamless and easy to follow.
task achievement
To improve task response, ensure you directly address the prompt in both the introduction and conclusion. Clearly state your position and summarize your main arguments in the conclusion for a stronger impact.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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