IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Competition for university study is becoming increasingly strong. Why are universities becoming more competitive? Is this apositive or negative development?

#competition #university #study #universities #apositive #development
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nowaday
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nowadays
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, there is a debate over the complexity of entering universities and there has been
high
Correct article usage
a high
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raise
Correct your spelling
rise
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 in competitive admission rates of universities.
therefore
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,
This
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 is a dreadful trend as it is detrimental to university students' physical health. The following essay takes a look at
sides
Correct article usage
the sides
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 of
this
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 phenomenon. First of all,
due to
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 the strong
competition
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 in the workplace, if those who just leave their educations want to acquire a lucrative occupant, they have to achieve a higher score than their peers to signify they have a higher level of abilities and enthusiasm.
As a result
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, young learners need to compete with their classmates in order to stand out, which contributes to the growth of
competition
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 in educational establishments. People prefer to give a job offer to candidates who hold an extremely wonderful academic performance in their classrooms, which forces youngsters to excel themselves to get the best result and compete with peers in education.
Furthermore
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, increasing
competition
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 creates a harsh learning atmosphere for pupils, which negatively affects their physical well-being.
Because those
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Those
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 who want to graduate with decent qualifications and manage to get a rewarding and well-paid job have to burn
their
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the
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 midnight oil and get up early in the morning to study,
thus
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 hurting their physical conditions.
For example
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, a vast majority of students say that as the environment of their college is becoming incredibly competitive, their peers normally invest a great deal of leisure time
to do
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in doing
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 research, which forces them to follow
this
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 trend. As study occupies their sport and sleeping time, they are suffering from digestive problems. In conclusion,
although
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 people may vary in their opinion about the reason why the
competition
Use synonyms
 in colleges is getting fierce. in my opinion,
this
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 circumstance is a negative development as it brings physical problems for university learners.
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task response
Your essay addresses the topic, but it could be more focused. Try to directly answer both parts of the question in the introduction and develop each in separate paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a recognizable structure, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Make sure each paragraph flows logically to the next by using cohesive devices like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' etc.
task response
You provided examples, but they could be more specific and directly related to your main points. Consider using real-world examples or more detailed hypothetical scenarios to strengthen your argument.
task response
For further improvement, consider adding a more balanced view by exploring both positive and negative aspects of the topic. This will provide a more comprehensive understanding and contribute to a clearer and more compelling argument.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to the diversity of your vocabulary and try to avoid repetition. Using a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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