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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

(PTV)Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In today's ever-progressing era, it is believed that
art
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subjects
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 are regarded as pivotal as other major intellectual
subjects
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 to the
development
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 of a child, thereby it must be included in high schools. From the writer's experience,
art
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 classes should be legally seen as a major subject
due to
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 the lucrative impact on boosting creativity and playing an indispensable role in the
development
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 of the child.
Body paragraph 1
To commence with,
art
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-related majors are relevant factors in triggering creativity in the
development
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 of children.
In other words
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, artistic
subjects
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 demand a sequence of flexible ideas, which fosters great dexterity in thinking and imagination in every academic aspect.
As a result
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 of
this
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, the growing progress of the new breeds can be inherited from the lucrative points by participating in these non-mathematical
subjects
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, enhancing one's capabilities of wide perception. Take India as an epitome example, it is shown from surveys that students in
this
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 nation tend to have a wider perception of logical thinking and resolving mathematical mechanisms,
this
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 is
due to
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 the effects of
art
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 classes at school with a high frequency in learning.
Body paragraph 2
Another point worth mentioning is that
art
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 majors should be included in a child's
development
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 because of their indispensable role in providing harmonious factors to the young. Specifically, the new breeds could possess a virtual attachment in order to fulfil their growing progress without any adversities, capturing the beauty of nature's essence can have positive effects morally.
Consequently
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, the one is likely to be mature in every characteristic they possess, turning them into a fully-grown person and benefiting society.
For instance
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, paintings and drawings support individuals to seek a wider perspective about the core of the creatures, thereby triggering a boost for their trait
development
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.
Conclusion
To conclude
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,
art
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 classes should be legally considered major
subjects
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due to
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 their positive effects on enhancing creativity and fully-grown characteristics.
Therefore
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, artistic
subjects
Use synonyms
 must be involved in
such
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 curriculums for
further
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 benefit.

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General
While the essay effectively addresses the task and provides a clear stance, it can benefit from more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the readability and engagement of the text. Try to incorporate some synonyms and avoid repetitive phrases.
Coherence & Cohesion
Although the essay boasts well-structured paragraphs, consistently linking ideas with transitional sentences can further improve the logical flow and coherence. Consider using more linking words like 'moreover,' 'furthermore,' and 'similarly' to connect ideas smoothly.
Task Achievement
The argument is generally well-supported, but incorporating more specific examples or studies from various regions besides India can strengthen the essay. Diversify the examples to provide a broader perspective and tighten the argument.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear and strong position on the importance of art subjects in high schools, which fulfills the requirement of task response effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structured organization of the essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, helps maintain coherence and cohesion. Each paragraph addresses a distinct point supporting the main argument.
Task Achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the reference to India, adds depth to the argument and demonstrates an attempt to ground the discussion in real-world scenarios.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Creative thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Emotional outlet
  • Mental well-being
  • Cultural awareness
  • Fine motor skills
  • Hand-eye coordination
  • Cognitive abilities
  • Teamwork
  • Communication
  • Social interaction
  • Self-discipline
  • Patience
  • Perseverance
  • Artistic expression
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