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Band 5.5

Task 2: What can we do to maintain biodiversity?

#biodiversity
It is a fact that strong global industrialization,
economy
Replace the word
economic
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 race and emigrations nowadays are
making
Verb problem
putting
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 a variety of flora and fauna on the verge of extinction. Some
people
 might say that it is a price human must pay for progress. In my opinion, there are some solutions that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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, local authorities and each individual should do to reverse
this
 trend. In the first place,
government
Add an article
the government
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 could impose new strict laws against activities that cause harm to the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
. Those can be named as indiscriminate logging, rare-species hunting, forest destruction, strip mining, etc. Alarmingly, a lot of
people
 have tried to earn money by all means despite the environmental decay, which
have
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has
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 caused the disappearance of animals and plants
,
Correct word choice
and, broken
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broken
Correct article usage
the broken
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 food chain
de
Correct your spelling
due
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 to the loss of natural habitat. If there were more
deterrencce
Correct your spelling
deterrence
 from authorities, those
people
 might not dare to conduct
such
 cruel things. In the second place, each individual could
also
 play a role in healing the world.
People
 could start helping the biodiversity by small simple steps like not littering, limiting the use of plastic bags, and planting more trees.
Besides
, education is important to create better awareness about protecting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature.
For example
, children should be taught early about our limited natural resources,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 importance of vegetation and biodiversity so that later they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 become adults responsible for using effective
enery
Correct your spelling
energy
enemy
, dealing well with oil
spill
Fix the agreement mistake
spills
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, replacing fossil fuel with renewable energy, and creating more green spaces.
Besides
, we could make use of
powerful
Correct article usage
the powerful
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 development of popular social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram,
Correct word choice
and Tiktok
show examples
Tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
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,... to hold propaganda
champains
Correct your spelling
campaigns
campaign
 to raise support and funds to protect "Red Book" species. In conclusion, biodiversity is standing a high risk of being seriously broken. I do believe that taking those actions above would help protect all kinds of rare animals and plants around us.
Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are well-structured, each starting with a clear topic sentence followed by explanations and examples to support the main idea.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to diversify the types of sentences and the vocabulary you use to avoid repetition and make your essay more engaging.
Task Achievement
While your response covers the task, develop your arguments further by providing more specific examples and explaining the implications or results of the suggested actions.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a wider range of grammatical structures and vocabulary to demonstrate language proficiency and to make clearer and more precise points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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