These days many kids spend a lot of their time playing computer games instead of doing sports. What is the cause of this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Recently some
people
have expressed the
concern about today's children spending more time on the Correct article usage
apply
computer
than practicing sports. I believe this
is not a huge problem but still something that we should pay attention to.
On the one hand, there is no doubt that it is in the best interest for
younger Change preposition
of
people
to take on one or more sports. First,
to get better physical development, leading to better health in general, which will last
a lifetime. Second,
for the social aspect of it, sports are a way
to communicate with others, whether the kid is a
part of a team, which will teach them how to work with other Change the article
apply
people
and take everyone's opinion into consideration, or they have to play alone like in tennis, they will have to rely on themselves have self-discipline and learn to take responsibility. Furthermore
, the friends made along the way
are one of the best things about being physically active.
On the other hand
, time spent playing video games
in my opinion is not something to worry about. Research has shown that computer
usage increases hand-eye coordination, which can be incredibly useful in a future career as a surgeon for example
. In addition
, computer
games
are amazing not just to rest but also
a way
to connect with friends from across the world. Today many people
stay in touch through the Internet and video games
have proved to be a great way
to have fun with someone, who is miles away.
In conclusion, sport should be a part of kids' lives for its many positive benefits to their lives but this
should not in any way
disclude computer
games
, which can help them relax and spend time with friends, with whom they otherwise
could not.Submitted by evamironova65 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task well, but it can be improved by providing more concrete examples to substantiate your points. For instance, mention specific studies or examples of children who develop certain skills through video games.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For instance, the paragraph discussing the positive effects of sports could be more clearly linked to the following paragraph discussing the benefits of video games. Use transitional phrases to create a smoother flow.
coherence cohesion
While your conclusion neatly summarizes the main points, you could improve cohesion by perhaps suggesting a middle ground or a balanced approach to integrating both physical activity and video games into children's lives.
task achievement
Your response is clear and mostly comprehensive, but it can benefit from deeper analysis. For example, explore potential negative impacts of excessive video gaming or how sports can build character and resilience.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a concise overview of the main argument.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view of both sports and video games, acknowledging the benefits of each.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear and mostly comprehensive, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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