IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe citizens should be allowed to carry handguns in order to protect themselves, while others think this can lead to many social security problems in the society. What's your opinion? Use specific reasons to support your answer

#people #citizens #handguns #security #society #support
In many countries,
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 deal of individuals regard
this
carrying
Change preposition
as carrying
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 a
weapon
 with them for their safety. But, others fantasize that
this
 causes
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
security problems . In my point of view is that at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, it can be detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. There is no doubt that to let saving a
weapon
illustrated
Wrong verb form
illustrates
show examples
 more terrible sides than positive sides. Since,
bynature
Correct your spelling
by nature
 of person
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
tends to
Add a missing verb
be agressive
show examples
agressive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
.
Thus
, in order to protect themselves
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they can
be
Wrong verb form
resort
show examples
result
 to violence.
For instance
, in many countries like
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, CANADA, MEXICO, SPAIN and others, there are
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence frequently and
this
 is a
result
 of utilising weapons. We often
heard
Wrong verb form
hear
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 about the American students in school
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
shouting together. In one of the states, an
adult
 shot down most of his classmates and some of them were injured. Ended up
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shooting
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
himself with a gun
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the head.
As a
result
 of searches,
it is clear that
ana
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
adult
's parent
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the
sertificate
Correct your spelling
certificate
 of saving
weapon
. So, an
adult
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 carrying a
weapon
 with him.But, the searches showed that an
adult
 loved a girl and the girl's brother said
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
If you
love
Wrong verb form
loved
show examples
 my sister, you must do the shooting in the classroom or outside. After that, an
adult
adult
 had tried to
shooting
Change the verb
shoot
show examples
 in the
classrom
Correct your spelling
classroom
.But, there some pistols in other boys,
that is
, they had Bern
joined
Wrong verb form
join
show examples
 the
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 and
as a
result
, they shot down themselves.
Moreover
, they killed their teacher because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their teacher castigated his secrets. So, I regard
this
 carrying or saving a
weapon
 with themselves are hazardous for your future life.
To conclude
, I believe that saving a hun is dangerous and I hope that the government can abate the
sold
Replace the word
sale
show examples
 of a
weapon
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance the clarity and impact of your essay, it's vital to organize your ideas logically. Begin with a clear introduction that presents the topic and your viewpoint. Subsequently, develop each point in separate paragraphs, ensuring they contribute to your argument. Conclude by summarizing your stance, linking back to the introduction for coherence.
Task Achievement
Work on providing specific, relevant examples to support your arguments. These examples should be clearly linked to the main points, illustrating how they reinforce your stance. Avoid ambiguous or unrelated anecdotes, as they can diminish the effectiveness of your argument.
Task Achievement
To better respond to the task, ensure your essay directly addresses the prompt. While it's important to express your viewpoint, also consider counterarguments briefly to show a well-rounded understanding of the topic. This will enhance the completeness of your response and demonstrate critical thinking.
Coherence and Cohesion
For a cohesive essay, use transition words and sentences to link your ideas smoothly. This helps the reader follow your argument from start to finish, improving the overall flow of your writing.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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