IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

With the technological development, some people think technology reduce crime, but some people think it encourage crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree and give your own opinion

#development #people #technology #crime
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it is widely accepted that
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technological
developmet
Correct your spelling
development
, there
is
Verb problem
apply
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a tremendous consequences to contribute to
decline
Correct article usage
the decline
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 rate of crime. some people insist that
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
 advanced devices
such
 as laptops, smartphones
as well as
24 hours
Correct your spelling
24-hour
 security
camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
show examples
conducive
Add a missing verb
are conducive
show examples
 to decreasing the crime trend,
while
othes
Correct your spelling
others
other
 illustrate that highly devised procedures can encroach
persons'
Change preposition
on persons'
show examples
 private lives. ln
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 resources, there are plausible arguments that technological advancements lead to
ilegal
Correct your spelling
illegal
legal
. on top of that,
accrding
Correct your spelling
according
 to a poll by
Center
Correct article usage
the Center
show examples
 for
survellience
Correct your spelling
surveillance
 of
technological
Capitalize word
Technological
show examples
device
Fix the agreement mistake
Devices
show examples
, the majority of respondents ranked
the
Correct article usage
apply
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dreadness over protectness when asked about the things that brought the most satisfaction to their personal security.
Also
, when asked separately whether being with
24 hours survellience
Correct your spelling
24-hour surveillance
 cameras brings about an invasion of personal rights, an overwhelming 78% claimed to experience more stress than pleasure when it comes to technological devices absolutely
intrude
Wrong verb form
intruding
show examples
 their whole lives.
Furthermore
, people depict that it could encourage bad effects to supervise their personal
apperance
Correct your spelling
appearance
 and
self-awarness
Correct your spelling
self-awareness
. Take France
for example
, where some cities undergo a serious problem,
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 some people hide their hidden
dimunitive
Correct your spelling
diminutive
 cameras in
womens'
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women's
show examples
toilet
Fix the agreement mistake
toilets
show examples
 to take
a pictures
Correct the article-noun agreement
pictures
a picture
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 women's body parts,
while
 preservation of personal privacy
indicated
Add a missing verb
is indicated
show examples
 in
constitution
Correct article usage
the constitution
show examples
.
To sum up
,
while
 there
ate
Correct your spelling
are
show examples
 some advantages to reducing crime, it is imperative to recognize that the
dtawbacks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
 of invasion outweigh the benefits.
Submitted by gayoung9011 on

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Structure
Ensure the essay has a clear structure, including distinct paragraphs for an introduction, body (with specific examples), and conclusion. This helps in improving its logical flow and coherence.
Task Response
Address the essay question more directly by explicitly stating your position about whether technology reduces or encourages crime. Provide a balanced discussion of both views before giving your opinion.
Linking Words
Use a range of linking words to make clearer connections between ideas and sentences (e.g., However, Consequently, In addition). This will enhance the cohesion of your essay.
Grammar and Spelling
Take care with spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Errors can make your argument difficult to follow and reduce the clarity of your ideas. Regular practice and proofreading can help improve this.
Evidence and Examples
Incorporate more specific facts or research findings to support your arguments. This strengthens your essay by showing a deeper understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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