some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this case? What problem can it cause?

A long
time
spent using
smartphones
by
children
daily is caused by the addictiveness of those devices. The writer believes that it is a negative change
due to
the harmful effects on
children
's health and the distraction from work. It should be noted that the reason for the overuse of
smartphones
at young ages is that
smartphones
are very addicting.
In other words
, by using
smartphones
,
children
can access a variety of content
such
as movies, books
as well as
games.
Therefore
, because opinions are almost unlimited
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
using their phone,
children
will be captivated by those things and spend hours and hours playing with them. One of the disadvantages of his development is that it deteriorates
children
's health.
That is
to say, staying in their room and using phones is always more comfortable than doing outdoor activities or housework, which means the more
time
children
spend on their devices, the lazier they become.
Additionally
, the blue light coming from the screens
along with
the raid light movement is very harmful to their eyes when their screen
time
is too high. Another point worth considering is that
children
will be kept away from their work. Simply put, since the Internet is free to access, everyone can post everything they want on it and teenagers can easily use their phones to approach them.
Moreover
, once the teens finish a movie, a book, or a game match, another one will be suggested which creates a never-ending loop.
As a consequence
, when they dive deeper into those entertainment options, they will forge about their work, and when they realize that, it is already too late. In conclusion, the problem of
children
spending most of their
time
using their
smartphones
is caused by the addictiveness of the devices.
Thus
, making the health of the
children
go down and
also
causing distraction.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To improve task response, ensure your arguments are fully developed and substantiated with a wider range of examples. This will make your essay more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay by making greater use of linking words and phrases. This will create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs, making your arguments easier to follow.
lexical resource
Work on varying your sentence structures and incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary. This will improve the readability and the overall quality of your essay, making it more engaging and impactful.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: