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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? what could be disadvantages fo being self employed?

In the contemporary era, having a career has become one of the main concerns of all
people
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. It is said that the majority of the population have tried to set up their own jobs. There might be several reasons for that. Being self-employed causes a
lot
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 of stress for
people
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, and I am going to elaborate on
this
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 in the following. On the one hand,
people
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 have tended to be self-employed
due to
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 poor conditions in different companies or organizations recently. When employees have to
work
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 hard under pressure from their employers, they might leave their
work
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. In
this
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 situation, they can understand that they just
work
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 like a machine without any benefits or promotions.
Similarly
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, some of them might have to
work
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 for long hours to complete their projects.
Therefore
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, their motivation will decrease, and they will find alternative ways to earn money.
Furthermore
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, some careers have strict rules.
For example
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, the employees do not have flexible conditions, they cannot
work
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 from home, or they might have fewer days off.
As a result
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, they cannot stand these legislations.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 who have launched their own business might feel a
lot
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 of stress and anxiety. These
people
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 should get a
lot
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 of loans and interests for setting up their careers.
Hence
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, they have to tolerate much more pressure to earn money and return their debts.
Consequently
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, they often have to think about their financial difficulties.
Moreover
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, they cannot separate their
work
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 from their personal lives because they have to be aware about all the events that might happen unexpectedly.
As a consequence
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, they cannot create a
work
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-like balance for themselves.
Apart from
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this
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, they believe that they have to get a
lot
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 of achievements and advantages from their self-employed jobs. They feel more responsibility which leads to increase the amount of their stress again. In conclusion,
although
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 some
work
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 situations in companies or corporations might cause dissatisfactions for employees, some self-employed jobs can be harmful for our mental and physical health. I recommend that employers modify the robust laws to provide better opportunities for their workforces, and improve their levels of satisfaction.

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planning
Add a short plan at the start to show all main ideas you will cover in the body.
content
Give more real examples or facts to back up your points.
lexical
Check word use and spell mistakes (for example, 'legislations' should be 'laws' or 'rules').
structure
Make the link between ideas clearer with simple join words and topic sentences.
structure
There is a clear start, body and end.
content
You use 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' to compare sides.
content
The topic is kept on self employment and its effects.
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