In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Instead
of staying in
rented
Add an article
a rented
show examples
house, it is preferred to stay in own
home
in many places of the world.
This
essay will discuss the possible causes of
this
situation
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
also
in my opinion it is
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
thing, and I will advocate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favor of my Opinion. The foremost causes of human thinking of self-
home
are
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
show examples
life and avoiding the expenses of renting
home
Add an article
a home
the home
show examples
.
Those
Change preposition
For those
show examples
, who live in their own house
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
it is very
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
easy to stay, as they do not have to share the
home
with others.
This
always creates a comfort zone for anyone.
Moreover
, the cost of renting a
home
in good cities is increasing day by day. To overcome
this
extra expense most people plan for self-
home
.
For example
, many financial authorities offer
home
loan schemes, which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
become popular
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
decade. In my opinion,
owing
Correct your spelling
owning
show examples
a
home
is a positive situation because it gives
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
to build a strong community among dwellers. Permanent residency means staying
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the same place
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
long period of time, which makes it possible to create bonding and
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
environment for people. They often enjoy various kinds of occasions together.
This
type of environment is
also
helpful for the growth of a child.
For instance
, one major benefit of staying in a community is people can help each other in difficult times and can enjoy each other’s good moments together. In conclusion, in modern
societies
Add a comma
societies,
show examples
it is viable to own at least one house to stay
permanently
Change preposition
in permanently
show examples
and I believe its impact
to develop
Change preposition
on developing
show examples
a society is very
Important
Fix capitalization
important
show examples
.
Submitted by mokaddamul on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Your introduction, while informative, could be more engaging with a hook statement or a question to draw the reader in. Your main body paragraphs and conclusion are structured well but remember to clearly link your ideas using transitional phrases.
Task Achievement
Your essay adequately addresses the prompt, but expanding your argument with more diverse examples and a deeper exploration of your ideas could strengthen your response. Consider adding comparisons, potential drawbacks, or discussing a wider range of perspectives.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary to enrich your expression. Avoid repetition by using synonyms and parallel phrases.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
What to do next:
Look at other essays: