IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Most students choose to work part time during their university studies. Do you think it’s good or bad idea? Give your opinion and support with an explanation and examples.

These days, many university
students
Use synonyms
 prefer working part-time
while
Linking Words
 studying. I think
this
Linking Words
 is highly beneficial because it promotes financial independence, time management, and the development of important life
skills
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. Part-time employment provides many
students
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 with incomes that can support their essential needs, like tenancy or food allowance.
Moreover
Linking Words
, not every student is financially stable with their parents;
therefore
Linking Words
, they need to work to pay their tuition fees. In the United States, it is very common for university
students
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 to have part-time
jobs
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 compared to European
students
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.
This
Linking Words
 may be because many European universities offer free or low-cost education,
whereas
Linking Words
students
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 in the U.S. often take out large loans to cover tuition fees and living expenses Working
while
Linking Words
 studying can enhance social understanding and help
students
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 develop time management
skills
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 as well.
While
Linking Words
 working, many
students
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 learn how to manage time for studying and attending lessons, and
this
Linking Words
 can be effective in becoming more responsible individuals.Balancing coursework with work shifts helps
students
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 prioritize tasks and stick to a schedule, a habit that will benefit them in both academic and professional settings.” Having an income before a full-time job can
also
Linking Words
 help with financial control with a limited salary, and
this
Linking Words
 can eventually help
students
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 in their professional
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in the long term.
In addition
Linking Words
 to finance management, part-time
jobs
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 can foster social relationships. Many
students
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 often take
jobs
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 as baristas in coffee shops like Starbucks, and talking to customers every day can increase their communication
skills
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. In conclusion, part-time
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 can be beneficial for many
students
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 in multiple aspects. From a financial standpoint to developing communication
skills
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, more
students
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 should aim to work
while
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 studying. Universities and parents should encourage university
students
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 to commence part-time
jobs
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 to become effective, successful, and responsible individuals.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic at the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Use more linking words to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs, making your essay flow better.
task achievement
Add specific examples from different parts of the world to support your main points more clearly.
task achievement
You provide a clear opinion that working part-time is beneficial for students.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, main body, and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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