IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Team activities can teach more skills for life than those activities which are played alone. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#team #activities #skills #life
While
 people who conduct tasks individually are able to
be concentrated
Wrong verb form
concentrate
show examples
 and have resilience for time management, I strongly agree that group work could foster participants with more essential skills to overcome difficulties in the future.  On the one hand, isolated works
such
 as painting and writing are good to enhance one's patience and perseverance, since they need to focus on doing a single thing for a long period of time on their own.
For example
, J.K Rollin, who is one of the most famous authors in the world, spent a great amount of time writing for years before her well-known fiction book, Harry Potter was published. 
On the other hand
, globalization provokes an environment for people with different backgrounds to work together. In
this
 case, group activities play essential roles
to cultivate
Change preposition
in cultivating
show examples
 youth with crucial skills including communication and cooperation. First of all, good communication capacity could clearly convey the thought to others and deter misunderstanding.
Secondly
, the team works allows young people to be open-minded and sympathetic, which is good for the acquisition of new experience and knowledge. Take educational institutions at the early age of children as an example, educators tend to let students work together as a team to complete tasks, which not only could help kids
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
get familiar with their peers but
be
Rephrase
also be
show examples
 able to access different perspectives. To summarise, despite that participants are able to improve their professional performance
while
 working individually, it is inevitable that the influence of globalization will continue to grow,
therefore
, I believe that it is crucial to gain various capacities from group activities.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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task response
Your introduction straightforwardly presents your position on the topic, which is effective. However, providing a brief overview of the points you will discuss can make it even stronger.
task response
There are a few grammatical and vocabulary errors, such as 'isolated works' instead of 'isolated tasks' and 'capacity' instead of 'ability.' These do not significantly hinder communication but correcting them will make your essay sound more polished.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, transitions between points in the body paragraphs can be smoother. For example, use transitional phrases like 'Moreover' or 'Furthermore' to enhance flow.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay addresses both individual and group activities, elaborating a bit more on how individual activities contribute to life skills can provide a more balanced discussion.
task response
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion, which gives a sense of completeness to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of your essay makes it easy to follow, and each paragraph supports your thesis statement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • collaboration
  • problem-solving
  • decision-making
  • leadership
  • interpersonal skills
  • teamwork
  • belonging
  • learning from others
  • responsibility
  • accountability
  • self-discipline
  • self-motivation
  • personal reflection
  • introspection
  • independence
  • self-reliance
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