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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In order to change their appearance people often turn to plastic surgery. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such an approach ?

#change #appearance #people #plastic #surgery #approach
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In the contemporary world, a majority of people cannot seem to be at peace with their bodies,
therefore
, they find a solution by heading towards
plastic
surgeries
 to surgically alter their outward form. It is my contention that
plastic
surgeries
 are akin to a double-edged sword; they benefit individuals with an ability to dissipate undesirable atypical body parts, but can
also
 ruin people's lives. As a primary advantage,
plastic
surgeries
 are considered a life-saving operation in certain cases where individuals are body-shamed by others because of their foreign appearance.
Therefore
, the members of the younger generation are preoccupied with others' opinions on them and
this
 is why the number of
plastic
surgeries
 is at an all-time high.
For example
, juveniles in Iran and Brazil are more inclined to undergo
plastic
surgery
 for their aesthetic look by getting their nose or other facial
surgeries
 done to avoid body shaming.
Furthermore
, sometimes
plastic
surgeries
 are considered a vital operation in the fighter community. Because they receive catastrophic damages during the matches, there is a high risk of their facial structure being deformed. To illustrate
this
 point, almost one-third of each ultimate fighter has to receive surgical treatment to bring their previous look.
Consequently
, cosmetic
surgery
 can help individuals achieve their desired body image, which, in turn, may positively impact their mental health and social interactions.
On the other hand
,
plastic
surgery
 may not merely be a pragmatic solution as there are a myriad of risks incorporated into these activities. The significant perils associated with these operations should be acknowledged by patients prior to their
surgeries
.
Nevertheless
, a big portion of them end up in hospital beds to go under the knife for their foreign look. To exemplify my statement, if complications
such
 as infection, scarring, and unsatisfactory results occur, they may not be reverted back to their original condition without prompting a second
surgery
 with a similar risk background. In conclusion,
while
plastic
surgery
 can offer significant benefits to those looking to change their appearance, it does not mean that these
surgeries
 are devoid of disadvantages.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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task response
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central topic that is developed with specific examples and detailed explanations. While your essay touches upon important aspects, expanding with more specific examples could enhance clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using a wider range of linking phrases and transitional expressions to more effectively guide the reader through your argument. This will also help in making the essay flow more naturally.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. Complex sentences are good, but a mix with simple and compound sentences can make your writing more dynamic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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