IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the government should tax unhealthy food and drinks to encourage people to eat healthier. Do the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?”

In today’s world,
health
Use synonyms
 problems related to poor eating habits are becoming more common. One suggestion to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue is for the government to place higher taxes on unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 and drinks. I believe that the advantages of
this
Linking Words
 policy,
such
Linking Words
 as reducing the consumption of unhealthy products and generating funds for public
health
Use synonyms
 programs, clearly outweigh the disadvantages, including the possible burden on low-income families. One main advantage of
this
Linking Words
 policy is that it can help reduce the amount of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 people consume. When
food
Use synonyms
 and drinks high in sugar or fat become more expensive, many people may choose healthier options
instead
Linking Words
. Another benefit is that the money from these taxes can be used by the government to improve
health
Use synonyms
 services,
such
Linking Words
 as providing free medical check-ups or running public
health
Use synonyms
 campaigns.
For example
Linking Words
, after Mexico introduced a sugar tax, soft drink sales dropped, and the revenue was used to build clean water stations in schools.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 tax could create problems for low-income families. In some areas, healthy
food
Use synonyms
 is more expensive or difficult to access. If junk
food
Use synonyms
 becomes more costly but there are no affordable alternatives, people with limited income may struggle even more.
This
Linking Words
 could increase inequality and make it harder for some families to maintain a healthy diet. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 taxing unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 and drinks might negatively affect certain groups, I believe the benefits—
such
Linking Words
 as better eating habits and more public
health
Use synonyms
 support—are more important. With the right government support,
this
Linking Words
 policy can help improve
overall
Linking Words
 public
health
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your main points in each paragraph. This helps the reader follow your ideas easily.
task achievement
You could add more examples or explanations to support your ideas. This would make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is very good.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion nicely sums up your argument, showing clear understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: