Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree?

The majority of individuals
talk
Verb problem
say
show examples
that so much attention and many
foods
,
drinks
Correct word choice
and drinks
show examples
are given in the
defend
Replace the word
defence
show examples
of
livestocks
Correct your spelling
livestock
and many
birds
.
This
essay
about
Add a missing verb
is about
show examples
wildlife and their protection. And addition
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, we keep
animals
of
extend
Wrong verb form
extended
show examples
species.
To begin
with, I partly agree. Many
livestocks
Correct your spelling
livestock
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the forest and some types of
extend
Replace the word
extended
show examples
species
keep
Wrong verb form
are kept
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
special areas.
Besides
,
people
give
Verb problem
pay
show examples
much attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
animals
,
due to
Change preposition
because
show examples
,
animals
are helpful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
. So,
people
spend many resources,
Correct word choice
and foods
show examples
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
for wild
animals
. The prime example of how
this
scheme
work
Fix the agreement mistake
works
show examples
is Uzbekistan's Red
book
Capitalize word
Book
show examples
. There are different
birds
,
animals
and plants.
Moreover
, they are
extend
Replace the word
extended
show examples
species. If we
will
Verb problem
do
show examples
not protect
animals
or some types of
birds
, they will disappear and our ecosystem
shall
Verb problem
will
show examples
suffer.
However
,
animals
sometimes attack
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
when they are nervous. So,
people
do not want
feed
Fix the infinitive
to feed
show examples
livestocks
Correct your spelling
livestock
.
Moreover
, some sort of
birds
live everywhere.
Other
Change the wording
Another
show examples
reason is
birds
eat different fruits, vegetables and soft
foods
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
not edible. So, I from time to time dislike
birds
.
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
that is
very messy. The vital reason is we feed up the
birds
, so, they come back to our garden
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
eat our
crop
Fix the agreement mistake
crops
show examples
.
To sum up
, I agree.
Due
to
Correct pronoun usage
to this
show examples
,
animals
and some sort of
birds
enhance our ecology and improve fresh
foods
' quality.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
birds
fertilize plants, flowers and trees and
this
very productivity our environment.
Therefore
, we should keep and defend our helpful friends. We live well and
breathing
Wrong verb form
breathe
show examples
easily because of
livestocks
Correct your spelling
livestock
.
Submitted by Shaxnoza on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay should clearly address the prompt with a strong position statement at the beginning. Focus on developing a clear thesis statement that guides the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Merging or splitting paragraphs to ensure each one discusses a single main idea will improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of vocabulary to accurately express your ideas, especially when repeating concepts such as 'animals' or 'birds'. Synonyms and more specific language can make your essay more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Errors detract from the professionalism and can confuse the reader. Consider revising sentences that seem awkward or unclear.
task achievement
Incorporate more detailed, relevant examples to support your main points. Specific cases or studies add credibility and depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical flow by using transitions and linking phrases. These help to guide the reader from one idea to the next, strengthening the overall cohesion of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • species extinction
  • wildlife conservation
  • sustainable development
  • ecosystem services
  • habitat destruction
  • endangered species
  • conservation efforts
  • natural heritage
  • human encroachment
  • poaching
  • genetic diversity
  • climate change
  • environmental stewardship
  • protection measures
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • biological significance
  • conservation biology
  • environmental advocacy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: