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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below gives information about the average annual spending of university students in three different countries.

The table below gives information about the average annual spending of university students in three different countries.
The given table compares the percentage of expenditure which college
students
Use synonyms
 from 3
countries
Use synonyms
 spend on different living expenses each year.
Overall
Linking Words
, the total spending of
students
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
 A was higher than the expenditure of
students
Use synonyms
 in
countries
Use synonyms
B
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 and
C
Use synonyms
. In all the
countries
Use synonyms
,
students
Use synonyms
 spent the highest proportion of their budget on accommodation and food. In
country
Use synonyms
 A, the total spending of
students
Use synonyms
 is highest, at 5000$ per year, compared with $4500 and $1500 for
students
Use synonyms
 in
countries
Use synonyms
B
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 and
C
Use synonyms
 respectively. Accommodation accounts for 45% of the total expenditure of
students
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
 A,
while
Linking Words
 the proportions were lower for
students
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 at 35%, and
country
Use synonyms
C
Use synonyms
, at only 30%.
However
Linking Words
, in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of food,
students
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
C
Use synonyms
 spend the largest percentage of their money on it, accounting for 36%. The figures for
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 A and
B
Use synonyms
 are only 22% and 28% respectively.
Students
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
C
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 spent a high percentage of their budget on books, at 21%, compared with 9% for
students
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 and just 3% for
students
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
 A.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 in
countries
Use synonyms
 A and
B
Use synonyms
 spent 22% and 23% respectively of their budget on leisure,
while
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
C
Use synonyms
 spent only 12% of their total money on
this
Linking Words
 category.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, countries, country, b, c with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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