In some cultures children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of gives children this message?
Some
civilization
would argue that if Fix the agreement mistake
civilizations
children
try hard they can attain anything. While
working hard give more results. This
essay will highlight advantages
of working hard that can help Correct article usage
the advantages
tp
pursue your Correct your spelling
to
dreams
, while
sometimes getting into the
depression will be a disadvantage.
First and foremost, telling kids to keep up the good job and study hard, be successful every time, it Correct article usage
apply
is give
more motivation them to follow their Change the verb form
gives
dreams
. They not just dreamed
they work and study hard for their Wrong verb form
dream
dreams
and the
Correct article usage
apply
goal
. Fix the agreement mistake
goals
Children
recognize if you
try hard Correct pronoun usage
they
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
could
get anything Wrong verb form
can
what
Change the word
that
you
want. For some Correct pronoun usage
they
individuals
it is the best Add a comma
individuals,
way
of encouragement. Working hard give
their consequence every time. Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
For instance
, we all heard from our parents and teachers only
Correct pronoun usage
that only
successful
person might be Correct article usage
a successful
winner
. Without hard Add an article
a winner
the winner
working
you never achieve your goals.
Replace the word
work
On the other hand
, telling children
to run their goals and trying hard every day for that, it’s will cause them depression. In this
way
children
grow up without think
relax if they ease Change the verb form
thinking
of
, their Replace the word
off
dreams
couldn’t
Correct your spelling
won’t
be came
. I believe unaccompanied by Change the verb form
come
study
or Wrong verb form
studying
try
hard you might be Wrong verb form
trying
winner
. Add an article
a winner
the winner
For example
, in school time 50 percentage
of Replace the word
per cent
children
afraid say
Fix the infinitive
to say
about
their Change preposition
apply
opinion’s
and when they Change noun form
opinion
are graduated
from school and kick off their new life in Wrong verb form
graduate
other
Change the wording
another
way
they opened
. They unescorted by Wrong verb form
open
get
anything in everywhere.
In conclusion, motivating teenagers to work hard is the best Change the verb form
getting
way
to achieve your
Correct pronoun usage
their
dreams
.However
, this
pushy actions
can lead to some stress among young people .Fix the agreement mistake
action
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Task Achievement
Clarify your introduction by directly addressing the advantages and disadvantages of the topic. A clearer thesis statement will help guide your essay.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with more specific examples and explanations. While you have provided some instances, deeper analysis and concrete examples will strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a logical flow between paragraphs by utilizing transition words and phrases more effectively. This will help your essay to read more smoothly, and enhance your score in coherence and cohesion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider revising sentences with unclear meaning or grammatical errors for better clarity and accuracy. This will not only improve coherence but also the overall professionalism of your writing.
General Advice
Try to maintain a more formal tone by avoiding contractions ('it’s' to 'it is') and using more formal vocabulary. This will elevate the quality of your essay and make it more appropriate for an academic setting.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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