IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some people contend that punishments meant for adult criminals should
also
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 be applied to underage serious offenders. I disagree with
this
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 statement and will support my stance with reasons and examples. A primary reason is that juveniles often lack full awareness of the consequences of their crimes because they are not yet mature.
For example
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, young individuals who engage in minor theft often do not realize that they are committing a crime, or they may engage in
such
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 acts for thrill-seeking purposes without complete knowledge of which
behaviors
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behaviours
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 are illegal. It's possible that these juveniles would refrain from
such
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behavior
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behaviour
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 if they received adequate guidance about the penalties for illegal actions,
instead
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 of being immediately punished.
In contrast
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, adult criminals are more likely to commit crimes with full intent, which is why they should be punished more severely. Another reason is that young offenders have a lower tolerance for punishment compared to
adults
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. Underage individuals who commit crimes like theft or assault tend to have less psychological resilience and fewer resources than their adult counterparts. If they are fined or imprisoned for several years, they are much more likely to develop psychological problems.
Moreover
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, they could be bullied by
adults
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 in prison.
As a result
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, if young offenders are punished in the same way as
adults
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, it could lead to adverse outcomes. In conclusion, I believe that punishing underage criminals in the same manner as
adults
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 is inappropriate
due to
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 their limited understanding of the consequences and their reduced capacity to endure
such
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 penalties. We should focus on rehabilitation and education for these young individuals to prevent future
offenses
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offences
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 and integrate them positively into society.

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task achievement
Ensure your essay directly addresses the prompt, maintaining a clear position throughout your response to clearly establish your standpoint.
coherence & cohesion
Consider incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices and transitional phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs. This will further improve the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Enhance your arguments by providing more detailed, specific examples. Aiming for a broader range of examples can make your points more convincing and comprehensive.
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