IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe school children should be given multiple short vacations, while others believe they should get one long vacation. Give the advantages of both and express your own point of view.

#people #school #children #vacations #vacation #point
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Some people argue that
schools
 should give multiple short-duration
vacations
 for school
children
,
while
 others believe they should be given
one
 extended
vacation
instead
.
Although
 regular
mini
Add a hyphen
mini-vacations
show examples
vacations
 can help
children
 loosen up and
relief
Replace the word
relieve
show examples
 stress, I believe that giving a long
vacation
 is beneficial because it allows pupils to properly explore foreign
countries
. On the
one
 hand,
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
 short
vacation
 can be stress relieving.
That is
 to say that
children
 can take
time
 off from studying, multiple times a year.
This
 will give them a sense of freedom away
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 school and they can do things that they love, like going on small adventures with their family and friends.
For example
, all
schools
 in Sri Lanka have holidays scheduled every two months and it lasts for about 1 week. During
this
time
, school
students
 enjoy their
time
 with their parents, without worrying about their studies.
However
, it is impossible to do certain activities if
students
 are given
vacations
 that only
last
 for a week or two.
On the other hand
,
students
 can go on trips that
last
 for a long
time
, which is enough
time
 to explore a foreign country.
For instance
,
European
Correct article usage
the European
show examples
 education system provides
children
 with a
months’
Change noun form
month’s
show examples
 worth of holidays during the winter. Many families use
this
 opportunity to travel to tropical
countries
 with their
children
, where they explore the culture and landscape of these places.
Therefore
, just like
schools
 in Europe, other
countries
 should have
one
 long
vacation
 system in their
schools
. In conclusion, it is true that small
vacations
 can take some stress off the shoulders of pupils;
however
, I believe that
one
 long
vacation
 would be ideal
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
students
 will get more
time
 to explore what other
countries
 have to provide.
Submitted by sajeendranrajakumar on

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task achievement
Try to enhance your essay by providing more detailed examples and elaborating on how they directly support your arguments. This can strengthen your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from more cohesive transitions between paragraphs. This would enhance the logical flow of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly states both sides of the argument to provide better balance and framing for the discussion that follows.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good overall structure.
task achievement
You provided relevant specific examples to support your arguments, which strengthens the essay's persuasiveness.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consistently
  • frequent intervals
  • preventing burnout
  • information retention
  • consolidate knowledge
  • short getaways
  • strengthening family bonds
  • comprehensive rest
  • unwind
  • mental and emotional recharging
  • structured planning
  • extensive trips
  • academic projects
  • internships
  • continuity
  • in-depth understanding
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