In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
이득 이 더 크다
In the modern era, with the developed medical system, there is a phenomenon that
people
tend to have longer lives in comparison to the past. With this
trend, some people
believe that old
generations Fix the agreement mistake
older
occur
severe social issues Verb problem
experience
such
as pressure on taking
care of Change preposition
to take
them
through Correct pronoun usage
themselves
social
security system which is run by Correct article usage
the social
government
funding. In the meantime, other individuals insist that there are more significant advancements in society from older people
.
Proponents argue that having the
more Correct article usage
a
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
people
would bring a variety of social issues in the community. This
is fundamentally due to
the fact that young people
have less
Change the quantifier
fewer
chagces
in their career paths from getting a job to having a promotion to go to Correct your spelling
chances
the
higher level of Correct article usage
a
the
work if senior workers still remain Correct article usage
apply
their
Change preposition
in their
works
rather than retiring. Fix the agreement mistake
work
Coupled with
this
, once aged
Verb problem
apply
people
are retired
from their work, they should still maintain their lives regardless if they can afford their living costs continuously without new income. Wrong verb form
retire
This
ends up leading
Verb problem
putting
a
pressure Remove the article
apply
to
Change preposition
on
society
to look after Change preposition
on society
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
the
Correct word choice
and the
eldetly
Correct your spelling
elderly
by
a Change preposition
through
government
-based fund which will be a berdon
on Correct your spelling
burden
young
generation by contributing more taxes from their income. Correct article usage
the young
This
has already been raised in many developed nations such
as South Korea and Japan as one of the social issues that they should deal with.
Nonetheless
, the aformentioned
viewpoint can be considered Correct your spelling
aforementioned
plasiable
, there are other Correct your spelling
plausible
playable
people
advocating that aged individuals put their
effort and contributions as they have much more Change preposition
in their
expriences
in their personal and professional lives compared to younger Correct your spelling
experiences
experience
people
. A salient example of this
would be described as that
the older generation can transfer their Correct word choice
apply
experties
to the young generation with their Correct your spelling
expertise
resouces
and Correct your spelling
resources
kwowledge
. More specifically, in the medicine and healthcare sector, senior doctors give junior medical workers the Correct your spelling
knowledge
micro skills
of Add a hyphen
micro-skills
the
Correct article usage
apply
surgury
and treatment and how to build Correct your spelling
surgery
the
rapport with patients. Correct article usage
apply
This
can also
broadly be happened in the other fields to teach new workers. More importantly, older people
with more experiences
can support Fix the agreement mistake
experience
to build
up the new system at the Change the verb form
building
government
level by involving the government
's new action planor
Correct your spelling
plan or
planner
regulartory
policies to make society secure for younger Correct your spelling
regulatory
people
.
In conclusion, although
having more number of
older Correct quantifier usage
apply
people
can lead Change preposition
to relavent
relavent
social Correct your spelling
relevant
issuse
social a more Correct your spelling
issues
issue
borden
on Correct your spelling
burden
government
based on taxes from younger
populace, I personally put my endorsement on that the advantages of older individuals can outweigh the demerits when it comes to personal and Add an article
the younger
prefessional
experiences.Correct your spelling
professional
Submitted by yeseulyou92 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction that presents the topic and your viewpoint. Your conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position. This strengthens the coherence and unity of your essay.
Paragraph Structure
Improve the organization of your paragraphs. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence. This structure helps the reader understand your main points and their relevance to the topic.
Use of Examples
Strengthen your argument by providing more specific and varied examples. Tie these examples closely to your main points to demonstrate how they support your argument. This will improve the persuasiveness and credibility of your essay.
Grammar and Vocabulary
Work on your grammar and spelling to ensure your essay is easy to read and understand. Pay special attention to verb tenses and word choice. Accurate and varied vocabulary can significantly enhance the quality of your writing.
Task Response
Ensure your essay fully addresses the task by exploring both sides of the argument comprehensively before reaching a well-supported conclusion. This demonstrates a deep understanding of the topic and enhances your essay's effectiveness.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!