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Band 5.5

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages out weigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #media #touch #news #events
Social
media
 is used daily to communicate with others and receive news events worldwide.
This
 writer believes that the convenience of flexible
time
 and no distant limit to information accessibility outweigh the addiction that social
media
 can cause. The most considerable feature is that it can be used anytime and anywhere.
Since
Correct word choice
People
show examples
people
 can join social
media
 through a wireless connection, which means they can access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the Internet and use it without other support no matter the
time
 or location. Eventually, saves
people
time
 and lets them get in touch with their relatives or friends.
However
, there is still a critical drawback that heavily affects the user and
that is
 the addiction to social
media
. Because of the large information that can amuse everyone for hours and frequently upload new updates,
people
 tend to use their devices most of the
time
 on online
media
 platforms.
This
 is a valuable point but it can be prevented by putting a
time
 limit or locking social
media
 through special applications. If used with a suitable timetable, social
media
 can be a great tool with the ability to access numerous news. As long as social
media
keep
Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
show examples
 uploading news,
people
 can get up-to-date and modernize society. In conclusion, convenience and information accessibility outweigh the addiction caused by overusing social
media
.
Hence
 the disadvantage can be reduced by applying software that can limit the use
time
 or lock the internet based on a
time
 schedule
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coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clearly marked and summarized the essay's main points effectively. While you have done this to a significant extent, slight improvement in making the conclusion more impactful could elevate your score.
task achievement
Integrate more specific examples to support your arguments. You have used examples, but adding more relevant specifics could provide stronger support for your points and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical mistakes and maintain consistency in using formal language throughout your essay. The impact of your arguments can be diluted by informal language or grammatical inaccuracies.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay. This can also help in demonstrating a wider range of language abilities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • facilitate
  • geographically separated
  • fostering
  • connectivity
  • instant communication
  • real-time information
  • misinformation
  • rigorous checks and balances
  • fake news
  • addictive nature
  • detract
  • face-to-face interactions
  • mental health
  • awareness of limitations
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