IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people argue that it is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old worker with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #industry #worker #individuals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The industrial sector today
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 increasingly dominated by the replacement of talented old workers with inexperienced fresh graduates.
As a result
Linking Words
, some people oppose
this
Linking Words
 idea, arguing that it is an unwise decision. I totally disagree with the view that recruiting young people to replace seniors is a bad decision. First and foremost, the vast majority of workers lose strength as they age.
This
Linking Words
 is mostly
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 body has limits, and working for a long period of time, say 30 or 40 years, might have a detrimental impact on it.
For example
Linking Words
, young employees often work for five to six hours before taking breaks,
while
Linking Words
 their seniors typically need to relax every one or two hours.
This
Linking Words
 means that production levels would very probably decline.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the opportunity for fresh graduates to get a job is limited since most
companies
Use synonyms
 only offer a few new positions each year.
Companies
Use synonyms
 do
this
Linking Words
 to maintain their expenses and maximize efficiency.
However
Linking Words
, without the infusion of fresh talent,
companies
Use synonyms
 risk falling behind in technological advances, which could hinder production and
overall
Linking Words
 competitiveness.
Therefore
Linking Words
, to ensure both efficiency and innovation, they should consider laying off non-productive employees and creating space for youngsters, particularly those between 20s and 30s, who are beginning their careers and need stable support. In conclusion, replacing experienced old workers with younger graduates is not a terrible idea. Productivity decreases with age, which impacts company revenues.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it does not support regeneration or provide opportunities for recent generations.
Companies
Use synonyms
 should compel their senior personnel to retire and replenish them with current generations.
Submitted by nineband9s on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Try using a few more linking words or phrases to further improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You present a balanced argument, acknowledging opposing views before explaining your perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • invaluable knowledge
  • professional networks
  • business development
  • mentorship
  • training opportunities
  • fresh ideas
  • adaptable
  • new technologies
  • up-to-date education
  • dynamic workforce
  • well-rounded workforce
What to do next:
Look at other essays: