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Band 6.5

Many university students want to learn about different subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others feel it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for their qualification. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Check your essay on this topic

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification #check #topic
There have been conflicting ideas on whether
students
 at
Correct article usage
the university-level
show examples
university-level
Correct your spelling
university level
show examples
 should learn additional
subjects
 or not. I believe that pupils should learn new things and knowledge because it can improve their capacity and acquire new experiences. Studying additional
subjects
 will broaden higher education's
students
.
In other words
,
students
 who explore extra
subjects
 will be more qualified.
For instance
,
students
 of the English department who take other
subjects
such
 as French or Arabic will benefit. Their main skill is English, but at the same time, they can
also
 speak French or Arabic which will grant them an opportunity to work in other institutions after graduating from their universities. As far as they can manage their time, it is important for them to expand their knowledge. I believe that by doing
this
,
students
 will become more competitive in the workplace.
However
, others believe that giving all their time and attention just to studying for a qualification is more significant. It means that their focus should be given to their majors or study programs.
This
 will improve their capacity which is crucial when they want to be a specialist in their area of study.
In addition
 to
this
, it can prevent them from
stressed
Add a missing verb
being stressed
show examples
due to
 the wide range of materials they should learn.
However
, I disagree with
this
 notion because university
students
 should learn and try new experiences during their period of study. In conclusion,
while
 some argue that
students
 should concentrate on their main
subjects
, I believe that they have to develop their knowledge by studying additional
subjects
 because it will make them more competitive in the workplace
Submitted by salwafahanim on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Continue to explore varied sentence structures to enhance readability and flow.
Task Achievement
Make sure to provide a balanced discussion by equally developing both views before providing your opinion.
Language proficiency
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to address the topic more precisely and to avoid repetition.
Task Achievement
Ensure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction, then reiterate and summarize it in the conclusion for a stronger impact.
Introduction & Conclusion
Effectively introduced and concluded the essay, clearly stating your position.
Use of Examples
Provided relevant examples to support your main points.
Logical Structure
Maintained a good structure throughout the essay, making it easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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