IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events.Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #media #touch #news #events
Whether a majority of individuals on the globe utilize social platforms to contact and update
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
news occasions is still a recurring argument.
This
 writer argues that the advantages of shortened telecommunication intervals and knowledge acquisition outweigh the disadvantages of social
media
 addiction. The most advantageous factor of using social
media
 is that the intervals between calls have been reduced.
In other words
, social
media
 allows its
users
 to have a phone call with a shorter
time
 to connect two devices, even if they are distant from each other.
As a result
,
this
 will make contacts quicker and more convenient as it is almost instant.
Hence
, making social
media
 a tool conveniently suitable for people at any
time
. One other thing that must be
also
 considered is acquiring knowledge. It must be recognized that social
media
 contains a vast amount of information from different sources and it varies in many categories.
Consequently
,
users
 could learn the kind of knowledge that they favour, which can be useful for either study or real-life purposes. Thereby, the usage of social platforms gives its
users
 chances to learn in different fields and find possible opportunities for them to understand the field that they adore better.
However
, some people are reluctant to use social
media
. They believe that it could be addictive, which could lead to problems at work performances and real-life issues.
This
 point has credibility, yet some solutions have already been made for
this
 kind of situation,
such
 as applications and programs that could limit the amount of
time
 spent on social platforms.
Subsequently
, social
media
 is no longer considered a pain in the back anymore, with the given answers. Taking all points into account, the disadvantage of possibly being an addict is outweighed by the advantages of shortened contact
time
 and self-learning.
Therefore
, using social
media
 can benefit
users
to keep
Change preposition
in keeping
show examples
 on with relationships and occasional news.
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Task Achievement
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction should present the essay topic and your opinion, body paragraphs should each contain a main idea supported by examples or explanations, and the conclusion should summarize your argument.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas more thoroughly. While you have presented several advantages and one disadvantage of social media, your arguments could benefit from more detailed examples and explanations to better illustrate your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence, use a range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more clearly and logically. This will make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Although you have attempted to structure your essay, it could be improved by ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea and is elaborated upon with specific examples or further explanation. This will help your essay's logical structure and coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • facilitate
  • geographically separated
  • fostering
  • connectivity
  • instant communication
  • real-time information
  • misinformation
  • rigorous checks and balances
  • fake news
  • addictive nature
  • detract
  • face-to-face interactions
  • mental health
  • awareness of limitations
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