Many people around the world use social media everyday o keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #media #touch #news #events

Many

people

around the world use social

media

every day to keep in touch with other

people

and get

news

events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Due to

the development of technology, social

media

has become more and more popular with young

people

nowadays. Beyond daily communication, it

also

plays an important role as a platform for spreading

news

events

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and supporting

people

in accessing current issues. The writer believes that the advantages of social

media

prevail over its drawbacks.

To begin

with the negative side, there are several reasons to argue that using social

media

can be addictive and cause the loss of personal information. These platforms can control all activities on their systems, even spreading out details that you fill in user’s profile

such

as phone number or email on harmful websites.

Besides

, hackers can access your account, taking benefits of it

such

as lending money from your relatives and friends

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and drawing money from your bank account.

Thus

, providing your personal information to a website which is not enough secure can put you not only in danger but

also

lose a huge of prosperity.

However

, social

media

also

possesses lots of positive sides,

for instance

, daily contact and updating

news

. It allows us to keep in touch with each other regardless of distance and meet directly.

People

can send messages and calls every time when they need without time limits.

Moreover

, spreading

news

also

essential in

this

era, ensuring the readers catch up with the trends of the world.

This

also

supports

people

to change day by day to fit in , adapting to the conditions of society. Taking everything into account,

although

social platforms bring drawbacks to us, they still keep a virtual role in communicating and accessing

news

Submitted by [email protected] on Mon Mar 18 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear overall structure, but some parts lack coherence. To improve, ensure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next by using cohesive devices (e.g., however, therefore, moreover) effectively.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present but can be strengthened. Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the essay's main arguments, and your conclusion effectively summarizes them, reinforcing your position.

task achievement

Your essay addresses the task but can be more comprehensive in exploring and balancing both sides of the argument. To excel, ensure your response fully covers all aspects of the prompt, with a clear position that is consistently maintained throughout.

task achievement

To further clarify and support your ideas, incorporate more specific examples and evidence. This approach will help solidify your arguments and make them more persuasive to the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

297 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

facilitate
geographically separated
fostering
connectivity
instant communication
real-time information
misinformation
rigorous checks and balances
fake news
addictive nature
detract
face-to-face interactions
mental health
awareness of limitations

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Many people around the world use social media everyday o keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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