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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disavantages.

Working and earning an income is essential for the survival of all people.
However
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, travelling every day to the
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work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
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 is tiring
as well as
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time
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-consuming. Some people believe that telecommuting is better for most workers as it has several benefits. In my opinion,
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work
Wrong verb form
working
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 from home brings numerous professional and personal benefits which outweigh its drawbacks. On the one hand, commuting consumes considerable
time
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 every day. In the modern world, every
employee
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 demands higher productivity in which every second counts.
Therefore
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, telecommuting helps an
employee
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 to save
time
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 in terms of
traveling
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travelling
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. That extra
time
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 could be converted into productive
work
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, especially in urban areas where traffic congestion is high and leads to
time
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 loss.
For instance
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, the average commuting
time
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 for an
employee
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 in a metropolitan city like Hanoi is two hours daily.
On the other hand
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,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
face to face
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face-to-face
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 interaction at the office would reduce
professional
Correct article usage
the professional
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 development of an
employee
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. Improving communication skills and other soft skills is crucial for career development and
this
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 is not possible when employees telecommute.
Additionally
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, it is impossible to telecommute for people who
work
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 in the manufacturing sector because their
work
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 needs to be monitored continuously.
However
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, some professionals,
such
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 as those in the Information technology sector, could enjoy the benefits offered by telecommuting since most of their projects could be done from a remote location. In conclusion,
although
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 telecommuting has some drawbacks, I believe that the additional
time
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 and flexibility offered by it is extremely beneficial for employees of certain job sectors. Despite the fact that telecommuting negatively affects the rapid professional development of an individual, it increases the productivity which employers enjoy the most.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view by mentioning potential disadvantages of telecommuting more extensively to demonstrate a full understanding of both sides.
coherence cohesion
Attempt to incorporate more linking phrases and words to improve the flow between and within paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay effectively covers the advantages and disadvantages of telecommuting, providing a clear and well-structured argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and clearly outline the main points of the essay.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as the commuting time in Hanoi, to illustrate points.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, supporting the main points coherently.
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