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Band 4.5

Nowadays the trend of eating ready made food is increasing. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages.

#trend #food
In
this
 hectic world, eating habits face challenges and become a concern. Most
of
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apply
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people
prefere
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prefer
 to have fast and ready
meals
, so
This
 trend
have
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has
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 been
growth
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growing
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. I think
although
,
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apply
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 ready and fast cooked
meals
 might be time-saving, it would be harmful for body and
people
's health.
To begin
 with,
meals
, preparing
easy
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easily
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 and fast, can be time-consuming for busy
residential
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residents
show examples
. Needless to say, we live in a techno era and
people
 want to do
every thing
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everything
show examples
 faster
the
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in the
show examples
 past. Clearly, ready production might be a
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
 for some
people
.
For example
, employers or students, who
does
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do
show examples
 not have enough time to cook and make
meals
 might use
this
 option.
Consequently
,
this
 way is quicker and more accessible than cooking
meals
 in
oven
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the oven
show examples
.
On the other hand
, the quality of ready food generally, is not appropriate in order to consume.
Moreover
,
home cooked
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home-cooked
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meals
 with
high-quality
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high quality
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 are not
be
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apply
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able to
camprison
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compete
 with fast foods and ready foods.
Thus
, some of
this
 ready production would be harmful
for
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to
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body
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the body
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 and may increase
blood-pressure
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blood pressure
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.
As a result
, many
of
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apply
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disease
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diseases
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 like cancer would
be
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apply
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possibly increase in old
ages
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age
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.
Furthermore
, eating is not just an activity in
due to
 stay alive.
While
,
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apply
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 many individuals consider eating as a therapy and hobby, ready
meals
 can be a disaster. So, it may decline
comunication
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communication
 and enjoy during
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lunch or dinner time. In conclusion, ready foods are increased
between
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among
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 consumers,
whereas
this
 would be faster and
easy
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easier
show examples
 to prepare. But I think
this
tendacy
Correct your spelling
tendency
 might have
long
Correct word choice
long-term
show examples
 effects on public health and decrease
pleasure
Add an article
the pleasure
show examples
 of eating.
Submitted by mahdisonbolestan on

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Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the task, but your ideas could be more fully expanded and detailed. Try to include more specific examples that directly support your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay should have a clearer structure. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, and make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting sentences.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on using a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of your essay. This will also help in making your argument more coherent.
Coherence & Cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation. Errors in these areas can make your writing less clear and reduce the coherence of your essay. Consider revising sentences that feel overly long or complicated.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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