IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

you have seen an advertisement in Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for 6 month in look after their 6 year old child. write a letter to the parents. In your letter. - explain why you would like to the job - give details for why you would be a suitable person for employee -say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my interest in the job that was advertised in the weekly Australian magazine
last
Linking Words
 week. I am a student at Sydney University which is located near your house. The reason that I am looking for a part-time job is to manage my expenses.
Moreover
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, I have been studying early childhood diploma since
this
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 summer. I have a vast knowledge of
children
Use synonyms
 at age 0-9.
In addition
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, I am the eldest sister in a family with 5
children
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. Since I was 6 years old, I had to help my parents to look after my four siblings. So I am confident that I can play, teach and deal with young
children
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 effectively. Apart from that, I have been doing a volunteer job in a shelter where about 40 homeless
children
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 are living. I usually come to that shelter at the weekends to teach the
children
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 how to read and write. I thank you for your consideration and look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Van

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are organized in a logically structured manner with clear paragraphing. Each paragraph should present one main idea, supported by relevant details and examples.
task achievement
Elaborate on why you would like the job by connecting your personal aspirations or interests to the position, rather than stating the job's convenience for you.
task achievement
A more suitable tone can be achieved by further personalizing the letter, possibly by showing enthusiasm for the cultural exchange experience and by expressing genuine interest in the family and their needs.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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